heaven on earth

surprise surprise!

2009-02-25T03:59:00.000-08:00

heeeeee heeeeeeeee heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee the sister's getting married in like some months time and monday was the photoshoooooot *piang piang* so lets seeee :)

this was the morning that we woke up to :) or actually, that i woke up too haha because i woke up FIRST! and with my good photography skills i managed to catch this beautiful photo from our balcony HAAAHA!

anyway daddy drove us over to mr.angzxzxzx house :) and we waited for a verrryyyyyyy long time until i went mad in the car.

and so i stuffed myself into the boot! :) but it was quite spacious and comfortable.

after that, many exciting things happened which i shall not mention MUAHAHAHA because i am kind and want to help you bear more fruits of the spirit - patience :) you will just have to wait till the wedding day :)

and then after that photoshoot we went a little mad. so this is what became of us!

and before long, we became sad and emo :(

because we were so emo, we got headaches too...

but then, mr.angzxzxzxzxzxzxz said, "let's go to adam road for dinner!" and we were miraculously healed of our headaches and emo left us forever :) and we were so happy again!

:) so we went to adam road for dinner.

THE END OF THE PHOTOSHOOT DAYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!

and i am happy to know that my mere existence brings such joy to my Father :)

i is aliveeee!

2009-02-16T03:13:00.000-08:00

yah if you thought the prolonged absence meant otherwise, you're wrong HURHUR:) just abit more stretched than usual but it's a good thing :)

thank God for a really good time at the BBQ on 13feb! too much food and too little time! am sooo lookin forward to the next party:)

anyhow, work has been exceedingly urgh.

22 kids and a non-existent form teacher = OVERWORKED UNDERPAID BOK:(

double/triple work load for me. there's only so much a can do with so many kids in so little time so help me God because the parents expect A LOT and i've given up trying.

let favour and wisdom flow. that's all i can count on now!

:( dont want to reach home after 9pm everyday anymore. i'm tired and i want to sleep AT 9pm, and not on the bus lor. OT everyday is no joke, but i really got no choice this time.

haha at times like this i'm glad i dont drive, i'd probably fall asleep at the wheel and cause a massive jam on the whichever expressway takes me home fastest. so scary ok!

the other day i saw the accident outside the bus interchange. so bloody. poor man, who ask him to jay walk!! but then again, looking at the state he was in, he might have been crossing the traffic light but kena bang until fly.

HAHA omg lah. i cant believe i saw a dead body. yucks.

AHH WHEN IS THE NEXT PUBLIC HOLIDAY!!!!! FASTER COME!!!

okay lah, i like to go to work lah :D

when the world turns blue

2009-01-26T21:20:00.000-08:00

been a long time since i've been here man and i've got many random thoughts in my head man =D

anyhow, life's been good. haha been a lil' bored after the wedding with no wedding to plan, but then came two other events and the sister's wedding :) haha yes He knows me best :)

thank God for sean&nikki the GohPohs :) heehee the wedding was amazing. thank You Jesus for making it good beyond imagination :) thank God for perfect timing as well. this has got to be like the best couple to work with :)) hahahah ahh i miss you guys man :D we shld get coffee again soon!

haha, work is, well, haha work. loving the kids lah, though some days i would like to keel them all haaa thank God though for colleagues who keep me sane :) thank You Jesus for more lunch time madness! i'd go mad without that.

okk, christmas was good, new year was very good haha, cny is also good! =D

:) finally meeting up with the old gang was very very good :D amazing how we've all changed so much yet have remained the same in more ways than one :p hahaha yes, all the chao kuan never change :) haha photos are on facebook :) we just miss being over at john's place with tita's cooking :)

more to come man, indeed a year of free favours :)

God, you make all things good for me in Your time man :) You do what You do best :) i'll take the back seat.

:) if you never go over the top, how will you ever see the other side?

you will be okay

2008-12-03T03:11:00.000-08:00

walked in
unsure
afraid

saw him
heart aches
tears well

confused
upset
angry

machines
long tubes
beeping

but why?
it hurts
i'm scared

I know
I love
I Am

Leigh Nash - Never Finish

2008-12-02T05:52:00.000-08:00

1. Put your iTunes on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 10 friends who might enjoy doing the game as well as the person you got the note from.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Sara Groves - How Can I Tell
hahahahah ok seriously, how can i tell? HAHAHAH

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Hillsong - Ever Living God
HEE HEE HEEEE

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Planetshakers - Could I Ever
of course i could...................... -_- i'm normal..........

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Black Eyed Peas - Pump It
HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAAHH ANTZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO WRONG MAN!!!

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Sonicflood - Everything To Me
ok, God is everything to me ok! AHAAHA

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Colbie Caillat - Bubbly
dont burst me ok!

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Hillsong - Lord Of Lords
makes me sound like a holy nun or what!!

WHAT IS 2+2?
Angela Ng - You Think Of Me
i was going to say eh not bad! you and me make two! then i realised, OH. the question is two PLUS two -_- sigh.... jaahaha

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
ni shi wo li liang - NCC chinese/hokkien album
hahaha peachy!!! you are my strength!!! :D

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Natasha Beddingfield - Wild Horses
bizzare? hahahahhaha!

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Darlene Zschech - Everything About You

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Hillsong - Oh The Blood
vhad da?

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Darlene Zschech - Heaven On Earth
haha so sweeeeeet Daddy! :)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Planetshakers - Follow
hmmmm

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Colbie Caillat - Tailor Made
ehhh not bad know hahahahaha

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
zhu ai zheng jiu le wo
HAHA i really sound like a nun!!

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
The Darkness - I Believe In A Thing Called Love
yah i do believeeeeeee :)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Norwegian Recycling - 9 Songs To Save The World

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Lifehouse - Easier To Be

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Leigh Nash - Ocean Size Love
yah probably like DROWN maybe hahahahahah

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Colbia Caillat - Midnight Bottle
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm lol

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Adeline Gan - Rejoice O Israel
taking 'rejoice' in a literal way i guess -_-

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Hillsong - More Than Life
omg

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Sara Groves - Rewrite This Tragedy
HAHAHA

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Paul Alan - Sarah
HAHAHAHAH WHO'S NAME IS SARAH!!!!!! HAHAHAHAH

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Nouveaux - If Only
PUN NOT INTENDED OKAY! hahahaha so zun man

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Adeline Gan - All The Earth
hahah WAH got so jialat anot!!

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Leigh Nash - Never Finish
sounds like a singlish answer lor!

10 pple I wanna tag...
1. JOY CHUA
2. CELESTE LAU
3. NIKKI POH
4. JASON LIM
5. NIC
6. YOSH
7. MORELY
8. GEGE
9. WHOEVER SEES THIS NEXT, OTHER THAN THOSE MENTIONED ABOVE.
10. WHOEVER SEES THIS NEXT, OTHER THAN THOSE MENTIONED ABOVE.

prayer of the Righteous

2008-11-25T17:27:00.000-08:00

baby, can you please pray for me?

"dear Jesus, i pray, no more pain pain, amen, praise the Lord!"

:) yah, she's three.
love.

so today..

2008-11-15T02:28:00.000-08:00

i am happy like how heliums always make me happy :)
like.. kiddy happy! :)

because Jeeeeeezuuzzzzzzz You are the PA-WER in meeeeeeeeeeeee

2008-11-02T09:59:00.000-08:00

and you come to me like a summer breeze
keep me warm in your love
and then softly leave

"so when can i take you out for dinner?"

:p if you never ask then you'll never know, won't you? you big creature thing.

all it takes

2008-10-06T05:21:00.000-07:00

tear me apart and put me back together again, this time without self.

how do you make perfect something that already is? :))

happy children's day!

2008-09-30T05:48:00.000-07:00

i'm glad you had a good time :) because i did too!

sammy hamm love

2008-09-15T06:27:00.000-07:00

bye sweetie :( iloveyou
three years will come and go before we know it

God just make sure she's okay.

love you always always
(sigh its only been two hours since you left)

graced

2008-09-05T06:45:00.000-07:00

to, as jo says, not stick pencil lead into classmates eyes.

to be brutally honest, i really have no regrets telling the course coordinator and lecturer about how both of you are just plain not doing anything and have not been doing anything for the past three, four, maybe five projects as well.

my patience has its limits okay.

qouting dear coach barnabas : we are christians, but we are not suckers.

get that man. get that. i'm not just any nice person whom you can plainly take advantage of. enough is enough and that's my stand, this is it, i've drawn the line. you've pulled my grade for the last project down to a D and that looks plain beautiful against all my As and B+s thank you very much.

i'm not going to let you do it again. that's the first and last D i'll ever be getting. you can get more if you want, but count me out.

krissy and i will get our As.
don't worry, i'll count you out too.

omgimjustsofrustrated:(

the irony

2008-08-30T18:09:00.000-07:00

:) today i wanted to go downstairs to buy some stuff and just as i opened the front door i heard the rumble of thunder. being the full-of-faith woman that i am, i mumbled under my breath for God to hold the rain; just long enough for me to go grab my stuff and come back without getting wet because i was lazy to open the door again and take an umbrella.

then, i started sprinting down the stairs...

"haha you really don't think I can hold the rain for as long as you need Me to, do you?"

right... just why on earth was i sprinting? :D in the end, it was only after i got back from the shop and closed all the windows that it started drizzling :)

soooo seeeee leeeeeeeeee meeeee!

I'M BRUISED!!!

2008-08-26T04:58:00.000-07:00

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE LEE BEE WAH.

if singapore doesnt get another medal for the next 48 years again, it is on your shoulders!!!

tonight, i will fart on your photo! you're so mean to Team Singapore man.

sisterly loveee

2008-08-11T01:08:00.000-07:00

lazy brothers get gay food! :)))))

2008-07-20T10:28:00.000-07:00

hi God,

will you be my best friend today? :)

tell me secrets, tell me you love me, tell me all the things about you that noone else knows about, tell me about your day, tell me what you love about me, tell me about the things that make you smile, tell me things that make me laugh, tell me things that make me smile, tell me why the sky is blue and why grass is green and why you made the flowers the way that they are.

sing to me and laugh with me and dance with me a special dance that only we know, hug me to sleep every single night and whisper to me 'iloveyou' just before i doze off and remind me that you clothe the liles so that i'll remember that i wont have to worry :)

shower me with love and attention and care and sweet surprises the way only you can, hold my hand everywhere that i go even when i'm at my ugliest, kiss my forehead when i feel ugly and hug me when i'm sad. laugh with me when i'm happy and go crazy with me when i go crazy. tell me i'm beautiful; just... all the time :)

okay :) just that. and be my best friend :) that's all i ask of you.

(maybe there'll be more along the way!)

love,

himechan.

why i love my job

2008-07-18T21:08:00.000-07:00

:) :) :) wouldn't you love it too if you were me!

hello there!

2008-07-01T18:52:00.000-07:00

iloveyou! :)

don't you think we're the sweetest? HAHAHAHHA
sisters who sing together stay together! amen!

stretching

2008-06-30T06:59:00.000-07:00

yes God, i was the smart fella who told you i wanted to be stretched to expand my capacities to recieve from you, and i was the smarty-pants who asked to be taught to launch my boats into the deep for that net breaking boat sinking load of fish.

i'm JUST done with my essay and group project, and i'm left with one last request for now.

:) hi God,
just don't leave stretch marks ok!

loveyou!!

:D and i take back the lousy joke of not needing the iPhone because i already have iBags. i reject that! i don't! but i still don't need the iPhone! i just need to sleep!

loveloveSweetie

chinaaaa

2008-06-22T04:33:00.000-07:00

i met mama today after 4th service and we went to parkmall to have dinner :) and guess what i found out!

my father is a china man! HAHAHHAAH

ok not exactly lah, his parents are from china. haha omg, that means i have SOME china blood in me right. which means my chinese is good :) right! which means ah. hahahah nvm. good try lah huh.

:D dinner with mama is gooood.

happy father's day

2008-06-15T05:51:00.000-07:00

pastor prayed for all the fathers today after fourth service, and with all my heart..
daddy i wished you were there.

one day you'll know that Love has moved your mountain
one day you'll know why the sky is blue
one day you'll know that He gave His life for you

then you'll know why i wrote Thank You
and you'd sing it with me i'm sure
i'd teach you

thank You for pretty stars
thank You that for me You went so far
You never once complained
You even set me apart to soar with You

:) loveyoudaddy.

2008-05-22T09:16:00.001-07:00

you should REALLY learn to shut the HELL UP.

likey ou understand anyway. you think it's just going for class and that settles it? we have assignments to rush out, projects to complete, deadlines to meet. you think if it was that easy i'd really be that tired? you think there's nothing to study for? we have tests and exams bloody mind you. as if you know right.

you don't even bloody bother to check what's going on, what i'm really doing. everytime i on the laptop you just ASSUME that i'm wasting my time doing something really stupid. LIKE I DON'T WANT TO SLEEP? LIKE I DON'T WANT TO REST? LIKE I DON'T WANT TO GIVE MYSELF A FUCKING BREAK?!

come on right! i've not even said a word of complaint to you about anything. why do you just have to bloody hell just assume everything?! honestly it's damn frustrating okay. like hell you know that i don't eat properly. LIKE HELL YOU KNOW! i know enough to know that i can't afford to skip my meals alright.

and to add to that, yes i snack alot too. just because i slimmed down doesn't mean i've gone on a bloody diet. like fuck i'm the last person who'd do that. which obviously just shows how bloody well you know your own daughter.

of course i hang out on weekends. it's the ONLY time i ever have to hang out alright. HOW FUCKING EARLY AM I SUPPOSED TO REACH HOME WHEN CLASS ENDS AT FREAKING TEN PM AND SCHOOL'S LIKE HALF THE FREAKIN MAP AWAY FROM HOME.

you really bloody pissed me off tonight! REALLY PISSED ME OFF I WANT TO JUST SCREAM FUCK IN YOUR FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OOOOOMMMMMMMMMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how amusing this is the only way i can vent my frustrations. SO BLOODY AMUSING.

i'm tired and you can tell. the only thing that's holding me back from my sleep is my unfinished project. and the only thing that's holding me back from my unfinished project is you and your never ending verbal vomit. and funnily enough, you're the one forcing me to sleep RIGHT NOW.

O THANKS SO MUCH MAN.

OOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yah yah yah. she loves me alot more than i will ever know and this is just how all mother's show their love anyway.

whatever shit you've got to say, i'm really too pissed to take it in right now.

GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-05-17T08:40:00.000-07:00

and i dont know how to change the basic font colour of my poor old abandoned blog to something visible instead of white. i dont even know how it became white in the first place because since samm did up the page for me i've not meddled with the settings ever :( o well. not as if anyone still comes here anymore.

okay today you finally came to talk to me. but o well.

raymond sent us back again today and the traffic was horrendous for some reason we totally cannot comprehend.
we finally got to talk again after such a long time man. omglah! we're both from swiss cottage and we never even knew. he and his terrible reputation.

OH and today! i was so glad i decided to just let it all go and sing, sing just to enjoy. sing just because i like to sing. sing just because that's what He loves about me. and i really really honestly had loads of fun!! crazy man! :) dancing all over the stage in heels is quite an accomplishment hahah :) it makes me anticipate camp even more!

arhhh i can't wait eh. really. but my dear ahpa is not going! :( i feel so cheated. he's supposed to be the camp commandant and look after me and give me special favour and treat me like the best daughter that i am haha! better still if mummy came along but o well.

but i'm super super excited for the women's meeting with pauline! :) sweeeet man, feminine dresscode. like finally dressy heels and all :)) and we'll ALL be in it together.

o Dad, i'm going Home.. to the place where feeling good and Love don't cost a thing. i've been away for far too long now. i'm so tired. all i wanna do now is to just collapse in Your open arms. i know You've been waiting. i've been running in circles man and i need to stop that. i'm so tired i'm so tired i'm so so tired. please be there to catch me when i fall. You know i hate having ugly scars on my knees. they hurt. and i don't want to hurt.

alright :)
at least with You i know i'm safe. always.

2008-05-16T13:17:00.000-07:00

SAVE YOUR BLOODY MONEY BOK!
IT'S NOT EVEN SMART ANYMORE, JUST LIKE, BASIC!

from next month on,

- no cabbing to work (because i'll wake up on time every morning)

- only cab when it's really really necassary

- which means less late nights unless we drive out

- perhaps i should just get the massage package and stop splurging on individual massages

- don't buy anything until you absolutely heart it like heart it like
reallyomgdivinefromheavenheartitlikenothingintheworldcouldbebetter

- but i really need to repair some of my heels so that's a truly worthy cause, cos if i repair them i won't need to buy more! :)

- eat cheap? HAHA (byebye O Tapas, Timbre, NYDC, bombers... ... ...)

okay you know what. it's just this month. because i had to pay for camp and the stupid passport :( thats already half the salary gone yah. okay lah, i'm not that bad with my money alrights. hahaha i buy stuff for the parents and the home from time to time! :)

anyway 2am dessertbar is so good so good just that we should probably go down a lil earlier and get the sofas :D
O Tapas really depends on who you go with and what for haha cos actually it isn't that bad. o and very importantly, what time you go!
Timbre is still a favourite :) no questions asked if the Goodfellas are on that night :) it'd be mildly hilarious if like say, babu morely and i go together or sth.

and gosh the random plan for Phuture which totally didn't work out in the end. HAHA what were we thinking! and to think who they met there that night! if i'd been there it would have been extremely tickling.

:) life's been alright i guess. actually i pretty much came here to complain but once i started typing i realised i've not much to really complain about haha. been good, projects are still tiring me out here and there, as is schoolwork.. but it'll pass. c'mon bok, like four more mths officially? three more minus practicum mth.
WE CAN DO THIS!!!

haha gosh. sometimes i'm not sure if i should be thankful or irritated with you. because you always tell me that you wanna meet but you never do. 'oh i thought i wanna ask you out for dinner' or like 'oh i thought i could go with you' and i've never rejected you flat in your face!

i just leave the deciding to you but it seems you just never decide.

:) perhaps i should give up waiting.
because why should i.. why should i wait when i'm not even sure if you're worth it.

sure, i love it when you go 'eh we go together lah' and i smile to myself when you go 'oh i thought i could go with you' but. but. i dunno.
yeah, i wish we could sit downstairs again, just us and the dumb beer, with you playing with my hair and asking me dumb questions like 'what would you do if a guy just suddenly kissed you?' and i sort of wished you had but whatever. it's just a girl thing. is it? or it's just a bok thing.

you know what. i'm going crazy and i need to sleep.

GOD! yes i want a relationship even though i know i'm sorta not ready for one because i kinda suspect i'll make him my world and not You. but i want! maybe i just want that security of always having someone to meet, someone to call, someone to talk to, after the whole friends incident which still affects me from time to time but doesn't make me cry all night anymore.. but i just want lor. hahaha aiya only You can tahan my nonsense anyway :) at least.. i'll always have Someone i can pour my shit out to and who won't mind.

times of refreshing man.
feed me and give me water.
Lord i thirst and i hunger.
only You can satisfy
only You, my Sacrifice.

"time for bed, sleepyhead.. you got a big day tomorrow. tell the story to me some other time. get some rest and i'll do my best to shoulder the sorrow, no room for sadness in your beautiful eyes.. it's gonna fine, i know, you're gonna be fine:)"

okay love.
i believe in You.

dear china,

2008-05-14T04:20:00.000-07:00

there is hope yet.

i see a near revival
stirring as we pray and seek
we're on our knees
we're on our knees
Hosanna, Hosanna
Hosanna in the Highest

i believe You're higher than hopes, higher than dreams, higher than the impossible. the devil's trying to steal kill and destroy the benjamin generation, and what a place to start - china and its huge population.

god i'm so pissed off after reading the newspaper. and i must admit i teared. they're so young. so many of them.

aiyah whatever.

with God, all things are possible.

2008-04-29T16:52:00.000-07:00

Daddy change me.
as You are, so am i in this world.
as forgiven as i am is as forgiven everybody else is.
as righteous as i am is as righteous as my brothers and sisters in Christ are.

let me not forget that we are ALL standing boards of wood covered over in gold, standing on the silver sockets of redemption. none stand alone as an island, none stand alone by efforts.

You hold us up
You cover us with gold
You forgave
You justify

Lord, let not my bitchy side surface this often anymore. it's robbing me of life abundant and i am not happy about it. i know i don't deserve it but i'm asking you now to restore whatever i've lost and more. You're the only One who can and who will. i want to start living the high life again and You're the only One who can make it possible. nothing is impossible for You. so change me. shake the things that are shakeable, until only what is unshakeable remains. i want the world will see all You've done for me and they will be provoked to jealousy because my God is exceedingly good to me. i want to be that city of light. i don't want to be bitter anymore Dad. i want to love everyone like You love me. i want Your love to overflow out of me because i don't want to love people with my own love.

help me Lord

:)

poor old man

2008-04-28T20:38:00.000-07:00

hahaahahhaahha :D yeah, some weird reason.

swiss winds

2008-04-25T14:59:00.000-07:00

i know i'm supposed to be doing my work now but gee, i feel so.. nostalgic.

i mean okay, i've actually already started on my work, i just paused momentarily because of something i heard. such a familiar sound. such a beautiful sound!

the sound of a concert band warming up and tuning.

omg, you'd never know the beauty. you'd really never know the beauty. so pleasing to the ears!! i could rant on forever.

man i really miss swiss winds. and as if it's a coincidence that i was talking to ding about swiss winds on the way home last sunday.

heh heh :) i've been in a concert band for like 9 years? from p2 to p6, and sec1 to sec4. okay lah, primary school we were a brass band. secondary we had almost the full woodwinds. and guess which instrument i was on :D

anyway my favourite sound of the french horn can be heard most clearly now, whichever band it is that's playing at suntec at ungodly early morning hours. i miss that too! all our swiss wind performances :) esp at the parliament house thingy where we took photos with sir nardan :p

and swiss serenade :) we had that every year and damn we were good :D

swiss winds.
gold with honours at the SYF central judging for bands.

yes we're good :)) i miss sitting in the band room for hours and hours and hours on wednesdays and saturdays. i miss taking footdrill in the blazing sun and tekan-ing the poor band with shouts of "pumping position, DOWN!" hahahahahha so bad.

i even miss having mr.chew throw down his baton and storm off into the office, afterwhich us majors had to go in after him and pacify him and promise him that the band will work harder and so on and so forth.

mygoodness, i miss taking sectionals. and saddistic me misses torturing my juniors with whatever kinds of 'punishments' you can think of :D hahahah holding their instruments above their heads and running around the parade square. HAA!

given that, i actually was close to my juniors okay. i miss not paying full attention during band prac and laughing away at some random nonsense. and we can really laugh until cry one eh! also dunno over what.

AND! band tour!!! we went to malaysia to perform at various places ;) that was crazy man. four full days together with your band mates is like super fun. sth like camp, minus anointing haha.

yahhhh band camp in sec2. mygoodness. crazy lor! haha okay at this rate you can tell that i can go on forever but i won't. maybe when i'm free i'll put up our SYF recording :) two songs, our set piece and our choice piece. yes, we were good :D

life in swiss winds was tough.
life in swiss winds was super fun.
life in swiss winds is irreplacable.

HFMD

2008-04-15T19:08:00.000-07:00

well there are like three confirmed cases so far.

everything has to be super clean now. we're almost always in gloves. there's disinfectant everywhere. wash hands wash toys. temperature taking and health screening like two three times a day.

it's like we're becoming paranoid man. every single spot or red dot, be it in the mouth, on the hands, on the feet or on the butt, we have to call the parents.

so basically, we is busy.

we still can bring the kids out though, just have to avoid contact with everything. we can bring them for walks, or bring them out to play with like bubbles, but no playground and all that.

anyway haha thank God for sunday :) even though it was super tiring doing all four and even though we didn't get to do the item for second third and fourth, but i must say that i thoroughly enjoyed myself and i honestly never knew that merv was so lame. HAAA tongues!

and dinner at burger king. hahahahha don-ch-k-now......... :D

okay, now i just can't wait for the weekend. enough of glove wearing and temperature taking and cleaning of toys and disinfecting and all that. hurr hurr hurrrr...

JESUS SANCTIFIES!!!

2008-04-09T02:38:00.000-07:00

cos i still believe there's something left for you and me

can you take me higher
to a place where blind men see
can you take me higher
to a place with golden streets

:) and although the truth reveals that the fault lies with me, i still say the truth has set me free. and with that, i bless you, wherever you go and whatever you do :) as long as you're happy and free from the emotional burden that you had to carry when you were with me.

at least now i know, and that's a load off my shoulders. from here on, is my new journey of dependance on God. and yeah, every road that takes me higher is a steep road and it's not an easy road, but it takes me higher.

i know You'll take me higher :)

gucci me crazy

2008-03-28T05:47:00.000-07:00

brother's back from thailand :) with a nice gucci bag for me! haha he wanted to buy me a white gucci watch (smart boy knows i've been wanting a nice white watch) but it was like what a few hundred dollars. my gosh, if he really did buy it i'd scold him! hahah

:) i have been eating XLB too often! but it's so nice! i'm addicted :D

anyways mother bok had a fall today. she wanted to hang the clothes but didn't realise how wet the balcony floor was. so she's lying in bed now with a ter-kah. how to spell that. hahahah pigs trotter. okay lah it's not that swollen but i was sad.

:) but she's gooood. could have been much worse, so praise God :) she's really protected lah :) see, my words never come back to me void :) my prayers, God answers.

but do pray for her :)
she looks quite cute with her trotter hahahahahahaha i'm so bad :D

2008-03-22T10:56:00.000-07:00

shoulda told me if i did somethin you thought was wrong. now things have come to this and.. and i really don't know anymore. what's worth fightin for and what's not. i thought you said it was forever. what happened to forever?

i don't know what's been goin on but just so you know, i've never not wanted to meet you both.

what happened to "i'll love you more in 2008".
what happened man, what happened.

God, You've brought me so far that i can't turn back. but as said by Chase Collins, who said it has to be about goin back? maybe it's about being right where you are.

but you know what.
Love has taken me in for good.

that's all you need princess, that's all you'll ever need.

2008-03-16T10:29:00.000-07:00

you know, sometimes i'm not sure if i'm just being bitter or whether it is that i see it better cos i've been through it before. but yeah like what i told ding, it doesn't really matter to me anymore :) you can have fun without me, and on the same wavelength, i can enjoy without you too because you're not my world even though i love you :) alot.

though honestly going isn't the smartest thing to do, and i'm not saying that bad things will surely happen while you guys are there but definitely it is not wise. perhaps i've just come to a point where i really know so well that my leaders say and do things for a reason and not just "happy happy say yes happy happy say no". yeah, we're not prophesying that things will go wrong but why run straight into the arms of temptation right?

:) haha and actually ah, if already settle everything, might as well not ask. okay lah, i mean personally i feel that since you've already settled things and have made up your minds to go, asking the leaders wouldn't change your decisions no matter what answer they give because everything is already settled.

i mean, we did want to go overseas together too, babu des john guan and i, and sam ding. but we asked the leaders before even planning anything, because i dunno i guess it just makes more sense haha. cos if they're answer really means something to you and you're not asking just to be accountable, then i think that you would respect what they say. so yeah, babu john and des are going, but not with us girls :) and it's okay for us girls because even though we really really wanted to go together and have fun, it's not like we'll die if we don't go.

i'm fine with not being asked to go with you guys. haha i don't think i would have gone anyway :) so yeah i guess it was smart of you not to even ask me :) haha cos i would have been tempted to. but yah. i know you'll enjoy there lah. a break is always good :)

so,
enjoy your side of the mountain while i enjoy mine :)

loveyou!

yes i'm happy :)

2008-03-16T06:50:00.000-07:00

i asked myself all these questions, but then i remembered..
i've got You :)

so i don't need these questions anymore
won't need to let my tears go crashing to the floor
my side of the mountain's actually really beautiful
as long as there's You

and that's one promise i can keep forever :)

2008-03-11T07:51:00.001-07:00

so, what do you mean when you say "we should go out again soon"?
because i don't want to be left hanging again, silly.

"major insult to your beauty"
okay thanks :)

D2P4 :)

2008-03-08T03:43:00.000-08:00

Dare 2 Play 4 was today :) and it felt like D2P3 was just a couple of months ago! pam and i were just laughing at the MGS scary backstage and toilets, and really, it didn't feel like a year ago. but i see myself today and i remember myself back then :) it has been such a good journey man.

but today was fun lah :) amazingly fun. hahah i seriously enjoyed myself on stage! and though i confess i sang wrongly when we did Solution, but haha i'm so glad i remembered what Joy shared about laughing it off.

i was so involved with the youths at the side i was standing on until i literally forgot to turn back to sean and look at his hand signals or was it pastor dan, and you know what. because for set piece we usually do that part ( i think it was bridge? ) 4 times before going to chorus...

but. smart me didn't watch out for hand signals so i thought we were doing the normal thing but nnnoooooooo! hahaha as i happily danced with the kids and sang out the 4th bridge with such conviction, i suddenly wondered why mine was the only voice i heard in my in-ear.

then i realised, OMG! they went to chorus already lor! thanks!

HAHAAH i very nearly burst out laughing :) which was funny because when those youths in front of me saw me grinning goofily, they started laughing too. which was nice to see cos you know at least they don't get the impression that oh if you make a mistake you better watch out for lightning and all.

it's about having fun in the presence of God lah. you know, usually i would have been like, o man what did i just do!! and like kick myself for every note sung off pitch. but today was just.. different :)

like i felt so free. to dance, to sing, to even make mistakes. felt so free to be me. and that felt good :) because just the way i am, together with my mistakes, is how i am loved. because just the way i am, together with my shortcomings, is how i am loved.

so i sang and i danced and yes i went flat on some parts, but still i was loved and still i was free to be me and be loved as me.

and i guess that's the beauty of worship :) that's the power of praise. you go before the throne, your heart and soul bared, your guards let down, your walls broken. you go before the throne, and there you find yourself in Love's embrace. there you find rest. there you find peace. there you find joy. there you find restoration. there you find provision. there you find a supply that always exceeds the demand.

Dare 2 Play 4 :) i had so much fun on stage today i forgot to be conscious of myself :))) to be lost in Love's embrace :) man, this is what i'm called to do.

:)

2008-03-06T00:30:00.000-08:00

sometimes, you get so used to losing that it feels weird when you first win. and it feels like you don't know what's happening to you. but you gotta let it all go :) yeah, you were a loser, but now, it's different.

because now, you're a winner. and what does a winner do?

:) a winner wins.

hello world :))

2008-02-27T08:16:00.000-08:00

yeah i know, different sides of the mountain right. and i know what i said the other day, "so we'll meet again there *points*".

but what now, if i said, maybe i don't want to meet again.

at this point in time, i laugh dryly in your face. sure, we're in different seasons and on different journies, but if you don't want to talk to me anymore just say so, don't use this as your excuse not to.

if you want to exclude me from your life totally, i'm fine with that. honest to God. because just like you don't need me to be happy, i don't need you too.

and by the way, i'm not pissed off like what you think. the word i'd use is 'disappointed' because i always thought the relationship we had would be stronger than just a mountain.

cos... it's just a mountain.

:) maybe to you the mountain's bigger than me.
still, i'd be lying if i said i didn't love you anymore.

if you thought of meeting up for lunch, i really don't get it. you have my number. why can't you just call me? has it become that difficult, that awkward? have i really become your stranger?

yeah, maybe i'm being unfair in saying all this, maybe i'm being a bitch, maybe i'm being really negative and have a totally cynical view on life. so i just need to get it out of my system.

:) maybe i just don't know anymore.
but whatever it is, thanks for all the times we used to have :)

diana

2008-02-24T03:53:00.000-08:00

i don't want you to go back. at least not forever.

you're my gift from God, one of life's greatest blessings. it was through you that Daddy showed me what He meant when He said that the joy of the Lord is my strength. it was through you that He showed me that life was never as bad as i thought it was. it was through you that He showed me that laughing is really a God thing.

i know you told me you'd go back. from the first day we became friends you told me. but three years seemed to have passed us by too quickly. saying goodbye isn't as easy as we thought it would be. it really sucks to have you leave.

now we'll dream. dreams to meet when come back for your holidays, dreams to visit the land our Jesus walked upon together.

yes, our Daddy is able to make our dreams come true, but for now, i still wish you wouldn't go.

what He said :)

2008-02-22T15:59:00.000-08:00

the stapler bullet went in in in
and my blood came spurting out

ahaha that's what happened to me at work today! it's quite funny lah, i can't even remember how the stapler bullet went under my nail but it did, and the next thing i knew, i saw a patch of red :D

but oh well, it's been a productive day for me considering how bitter i was about having to work this morning. finished up quite a lot of work that actually doesn't need to be finished so soon but i'd rather do it free and easy than have someone breathing down my neck to get it done.

it's good, though, then maybe now i can actually have my 45min break. hur hurr. as for classes, i'm through with all my assignments and presentations :) my lecturer was pleased with my individual presentation and my classmates were super supportive :) haa, the group presentation was actually fun despite it not making as much sense as i'd wanted.

i'm just glad i survive the week man. sleeping at 3am and waking up at 6am the next day is quite a bit of a torture. especially when your day stretches to as long as 15 - 16hrs man. i was so drained!

but :) i think it's good for me to be stretched sometimes. occasionally. once in a while. haha make that once in a blue moon. hahah :D at least you get that sense of satisfaction when you hand in your assignments, when you're done with the presentations, when you see all your work completed, lying on the table neatly in front of you :)

"You are my strength, strength like no other, strength like no other, reaches to me. You are my hope, hope like no other."

He really proved Himself true this week :)
in fact, i'm rather glad to have gone through all this :D

He said, "cast your nets deep and be ready for the harvest."
He said, "see the invisible, and I'll do your impossible."
He said, "love, just be still and know I Am God."
He said, "leave your cares there and come to the Table."

i want to sleep now

2008-02-19T03:29:00.000-08:00

ah god help meee :(

surrender

2008-02-12T01:22:00.000-08:00

happy now, no?
no hand to hold
nowhere to go

look ahead
why so sad?
there isn't a need
to be afraid

maybe it's true
that these people
they're not by your side
anymore

so it hurts
pierces your heart
everything you once had
has fallen apart

tried your best
to put the pieces
back together;
those faces

failed once more
so frustrated
tears crashing
to the floor

why me lord
why not anyone else
why me lord
i can't stand for myself

tried long enough
now i've given up hope
hold me close now lord
you're my only hope

washing my fears
wiping my tears
all i am lord
to you i surrender

things will get better
though i might not see it
but i know my father
to him, i surrender

gong xi fa cai

2008-02-04T18:00:00.000-08:00

so, it's the eve of the eve of chinese new year and here i am blogging at work! haha but it's good :)

last night was funny :) who's parents were late so work ended late so i got to the bus stop late and waited so long for the sugar (my new substitute word for sh** cos it has the same starting sound haha ha) bus, to the point that i fell asleep at the bus stop.

so anyway after waiting for half an hour, my dear sugar bus came. o actually TWO sugar buses came at the same time :) hahahahah.

hurhurr, i was so drained when i got the practice that even singing the chinese songs didn't make me smile. can you believe that?

best part was, i left my phone at home in the morning, and i forgot to bring my top to choir for joyjoy to check. so that was all good then.

but thanks wanhuaaaa :) haha i guess i finally burst. but it was good lah. i mean how long can i keep it in right? as if i wasn't already going crazy. hahahah as if i wasn't already crazy. HAH. but thanks dear :) what a place, outside the toilet. hahahaha! love you lah.

haha and thanks raymond for sending me home! omg, first time i reach home so early after a choir practice! ;D

and i has excitement for chinese new year. i would to gone china town with my mother on wednesday night just for somes chip thrill. how excite right!! i couldn't wait for wednesday to come :)))))))

and erm thursday is visiting
friday either melonman's house or morely's place or timbre for the goodfellas haha!
saturday is.... finally a free one? i think.
sunday is service and kennyman's house :)
monday is events outing day!!! SWEENY TODD!

have a kit kat :D

2008-01-29T03:30:00.000-08:00

i can't wait for the CNY break :)

wednesday's a half day, thursday and friday are off, then weeekend here we come! :D and then you know what, the monday after that is off too because the centre is closed :)

time to sleep until Mr. Sun shines down with a vengeance on my butt!
time to watch dumb B-grade movies on HBO starmovies cinemax till late!
time to have nice dinners which can stretch to any time :D
time to visit the grampys again!
timet to get a tan maybe
time to take nice slow strolls around the neighbourhood
time to shop man!
time to maybe do a sleepover :p there's always time for a sleepover..
time to do my nails again
time to buy new pillows! i want the softy kind ok.
time to bake muffins hee
time to go out and just do nothing! man that sounds good.

ok. it's just five and a half days :D hahahahaha but a break is always good :) yes, a break will do me good. a break will do me good. romans828. a break would be good :)

if you would just..
let your guard down
see the beauty
taste the sweetness
of unending glory

if you would just..
let your hair down
feel the cool wind
love with a freedom,
you would be soaring

if you would just..
let it go now
dream with a passion
live to your fullest
know satisfaction

then maybe,
life would be beautiful
nothing would scare you
you would find refuge
you would find.. you.

wei wei bu yao pa

2008-01-14T01:53:00.000-08:00

o yes yes, like we so look forward to having our kids fall and hurt themselves too. we become teachers for the sole purpose of wanting to see them fall and get hurt. yes, we love to see children in pain.

like for heaven's sake, we spend more time with your child than you do. what makes you think we love them any less. scroo you man.

*lets out frustrated scream*

i wanted to stick the ear thermometer up your nostrils and sit you in front of the kid who sneezed and puked simultaneously. wah i really love you man. *&^%$!@#

anyway, me be the only one to had gotten a 'A' for the assignment i was last complaints about on mine multiply. many praise have be to our God. i knowed i sure to doesn't deserving got these result. amen.

the oil of gladness

2008-01-06T03:47:00.000-08:00

it's times like these i really love the age old HA cheer where we as facils ask the campers if they're ready by yelling in a sing-song voice, "ARE YOUUU READDYYYYYYY" and the united yell comes back to you like, "EVERRRR READDYYYYYYY"

because yeah, i just asked myself if i was ready to face the year :D haha and the cheer was the first thing that came to my mind :)

sometimes things get sssoooooooo gooooooooood that it's just a tat bit freaky :) but in an awesometremendoustotallycantbelieveit way. you know how it sends shivers down your spine? haha am i the only one? or as cherri wanhua rach celeste say, "the bubbly feeling" :)

yesterday joy shared with us singers about making mistakes and what you do when you make one :D hahaahha we gave our answers but she said there was more. so to be honest i was huddled there expecting an answer so holy and biblical and spiritual that the rapture would take place when she told us what it was.

"laugh. just laugh at yourself."

haha it drove me crazy. i suddenly really understood what is meant by "power in simplicity" and it blew me away. i mean come on, let's all be really honest. who doesn't sometimes once in a while fall into thinking that the people you see on stage are actually more holy than you and stuff like that. come on.

hahahahha i admit that i do and so sometimes when i'm with them and i realise again that they're just like everyone else and they have like madcrazyfunamazingnormal sides to them, it makes me smile. we're all just as forgiven. ok how did i get to this..

so she said to laugh. so i laughed. ahahhahaha but after awhile when the Truth started to sink in, boy when it sets you free it really sets you free. i can't describe how free i felt! it's like i went mad at dinner.

but really :) so you make a mistake. and how does that compare to the entire worship session? how does it compare to your life? how does it compare to whatever's going on in the world right now?

IT'S SO SMALL!!!

okay for those in the band i guess you'd know. sometimes it's really easy to fall into condemnation when you make a mistake on stage because i think i just stumbled the entire arrow ministry and i just screwed up the whole worship and now i bet the entire arrow knows that i suck as a singer.

haha o come on man. as if they're looking at you. HAHA :D come on!! so you made a mistake :) well, it's not as if standing there condemning yourself is gonna undo the mistake right? it's not as if feeling guilty would make the mistake less wrong.

you play a wrong note. you sang totally off pitch. you tripped while dancing. maybe your heel broke! ahahahhaha okay that's actually damn funny. hahahahah maybe i won't wear heels next time just in case. haha haha :D

yeah :) just laugh it off. if the singer beside you saw, then laugh together lah! a member of the congregation saw? lagi best! laugh with him/her also! i mean after all, worship's meant to be enjoyable right. it's not as if we're all stressed up when we enter God's presence.

haha when the Truth started to settle in for me, suddenly it felt like total CHEEGABOOM inside. and i thought, hey why not right. it's so easy. and at least it feels better than going "wah shucks i was flat again" or like "o man. i have got to be the worst singer in the music ministry!"

yes, we practice. yes, we work on our songs and techniques. yes, we spend entire journies listening to one song on repeat mode to make sure we've got the lyrics imprinted on our very brains. yes, we study our songs!

but apart from all that, it's not that we're prophecyinghowtospell bad things into our lives, but come on lah. we will make mistakes one! so why be so hard on yourself when God isn't even blaming you?

goodness, i bet He was laughing too hard at the "o no" look on your face to even remember your mistake lah.

:) simple truths blow.my.mind like CHEEGABOOM!!!

and today! today pastor was sharing abit about isaac and ishmael right :D how ismael was a mistake. and suddenly i saw it. it made me so excited i almost stood up in the middle of service and screamed haaa :D

okay see.

ishmael = mistake
isaac = laughter

abraham and sarah thought they could do it by themselves and thus, ishmael(mistake) popped into their lives. but what happened after that? fire and brimstone? the ten plagues? (was it ten? haha)

no! after ishmael(mistake) came isaac(laughter). AND God promised to establish His covenant with isaac! hello :D are you getting it yet? hahahaha i don't know how else to explain.

and and okay i remembered that there's a verse in psalm which says something along the lines of having God anoint me with the oil of gladness above everyone else, so i just went to do a search online and guess what! i found three verses in the bible (so far lah haha maybe there's more but i haven't found) which speak of the oil of gladness!

Psalm 45:7 (New International Version)

7 You love righteousness and hate wickedness;
therefore God, your God, has set you above your companions
by anointing you with the oil of joy.

:) i love it you know. we're set above the people of the world not by looks lah or wealth lah or stature lah or whatever although all those are good, but we're set above right, because of this undeniable joy that's on the inside of us, that we can laugh even in the midst of a trial (and not because we've gone mad mind you)

Hebrews 1:9 (New International Version)

9You have loved righteousness and hated wickedness;
therefore God, your God, has set you above your companions
by anointing you with the oil of joy."

again :) i have been set above my companions because He has anointed me with the oil of joy!

Isaiah 61

The Year of the LORD's Favor

1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,

2 to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,

3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.

it's so beautiful right! it's so beautiful! good news! this is good news :) this is the year of favour! :))

haha okay one last verse. i actually do know how long the post is now. i'm not just typing away in oblivion :D haha but i couldn't help it. if you cheegaboom means you cheegaboom lah! cannot contain it. yah, not even if you have tupperware. HAHAAHHA!!

anyway :) this morning as i was walking down to take bus to meet justin and nic i was mumbling my confessions of faith, and just as i took the last step and my foot touched the ground floor, i don't know why but the verse in proverbs31 just came out.

Proverbs 31:25 (New Living Translation)

25 She is clothed with strength and dignity,
and she laughs without fear of the future.

muahahah sorry guys He left you out on this one.

HAHAHAHA ok joke :D joke!!

:) bok is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. amen.

came to my rescue

2008-01-03T04:29:00.000-08:00

hold me Dad
hold me like You'll never let go
cos i need to know

when it feels like
the whole world's against me
like the world's crashin down

that's when i need to know
i really need to know
that You'll never let me go

so hold me now
till i know
that it'll be alright again
hold me
and wipe away my tears

Psalm 34:19 (New Living Translation)

19 The righteous person faces many troubles,
but the Lord comes to the rescue each time.

so let my God be true and every man a liar. Lord, even if i have to wait a lifetime by the river, i will wait. and even if everyone else leaves, i will wait. even if i can't see my dreams coming true, i will wait. even if it seems like i'm wasting my time, i will wait. even if it seems like others are living my dream and there's no more "space" for me, i will wait. and even if it seems like the light at the end of the tunnel will never come, still i will wait.

because i know You will come and rescue me.

of taking cabs

2007-12-29T03:12:00.000-08:00

on friday after work, i got lazy so i just decided to cab down to john's place instead of taking bus mrt lrt walk. haha yes i'm lazy but i'm also rich muahaha :D

and even though it was the most expensive cab fare in my life ($26.80 from suntec to sengkang) i honestly don't mind. in fact i must say i felt sooooo happy when i got off :)

when i first got on, the uncle and i started talking about my never got to finish business in poly and how i'd moved from there to being a childcare teacher, working full time and studying part time.

then, i can't remember exactly what he asked me but i told him i was a christian and am from new creation church :) and he got really excited and started telling me that he has heard from many customers and friends about how great and wonderful new crea is as a church.

so he started asking me questions, like what tithing is and whether we meet every sunday to "learn how to be good people" and stuff like that.

haha honestly ah, i was thinking, if you've met so many people who have told you how wonderful new creation church is, how come they've never told you the good news that's being preached all the time? hahahha okay bok stop being mean :D it's something called right place right time so that you can have the honour of sharin :D haha!

so anyway i was telling him how amazing it is that we always get to hear how good God is to us, how much God loves us, how He always wants to bless us and wants the best for us.

then the uncle asked me, how is it that you guys meet every single week and never run out of things to say? :D

haha i cannot tahan! i started telling him about how, because God is SO BIG, that it is totally impossible to ever be able to finish talking about Him and how it is so easy to trust someone when you know how much He loves you and always always wants the best for you, and how it's so hard to stop talking about good news :)

all through the ride, he never stopped asking, i never stopped talking.

"so, if i go there, i will find alot of answers?", he asked halfway through the expressway, abit skeptical, yet, hopeful.

i paused to take a breath. i'd never felt so sure in my life as i parted my lips to give him my answer.

"yes. yes, i am sure that if you come, you will find all the answers you're looking for. i'm sure."

"wah, sure ah?"

"yes, i'm sure!"

so when we finally reached and i'd paid the fare, he turned around and asked me, "what is so special about this church and what's being taught there?"

he was so hungry for an answer. you could see it in his eyes, the longing. it's like he wanted to come but he wanted to be sure that it was something that special.

:) i told him what i was like before, how i used to live my life in the past and how going to new creation church and listening to the Word preached really really changed my life.

he just sat there listening to all i had to say. listening to my story :) listening to my story with Jesus :) and i saw a change on his face :) like something lighted up, like he knew there was a hope for him, just like there was hope for me :)

i passed him one of our church pamphlet thingys before i got off the cab, showed him the service timings and all :)

somehow, i know he'll come.

:))) and so what if it was the most expensive cab ride ever? because i think it's the most precious!

and then you know what! it can only get better from here :) hahahaha see, taking cab is not always bad! haha :D

to never let go (:

2007-12-26T05:51:00.000-08:00

yes, in alphabetical order too haha haha :)

aaron bok. you are the biggest ass of a brother one could have, but also the handsomest funniest nicest coolest brother in the world :) thank you for the times when i could just sit in your room, to cry laugh stone talk listen sing. thank you for always being so generous. thank you for being you :)

addy. dear i'm so so so glad you're coming back in january :) and january's only a few days away! :) :) i miss seeing you around at practice. thank you for always being so encouraging and so sweet :) you're really amazing addy and i thank God for you in my life.

anjo peachy. sweetie i can't thank you enough for being my friend :) and i almost always forget that we're not actually the same age. thanks for the countless cab rides, for being so real, for daring to share secrets with meee :) i love you anjolene kaw.

ash. dude we've come a long way :) and i know that Daddy has greater things in store for you :) you were always meant for greatness asher. sing for Jesus :) sing with Jesus.

audrey. dear i am so thankful to have had the privilege of serving with you this camp :) i love you so so so much and honestly, i'm so thankful that you're my friend :) thanks for all the hugs and laughs and the jumping on me from behind :) you're made for greater things that this sweetie :) there's so much more in store for you :) haha thank you for mission one and the armlock station :) iloveyou.

babu. ok fine, shawngoh. thank you :) for being you. for laughs at the waffle shop and everywhere anywhere else, for being real, for worship sessions, for being you.

bei :) yes, it's time to come home. i'll be here with open arms dear :) promise.

ben tan. for being so patient, for being real, for daring to be open. serving with you is a pleasure :) thank you for that.

birdyy ernie lim. i can't thank you enough for the countless times you've brought smiles and laughter to all of us. you're different and you're crazy, but don't you ever let anyone take that from you, because it's what makes you special. and i swear you're more of a bird than a man. hahahahahhahahaha drink water!!!

caihua. hey sweetie pie :) everytime i see you, you put a smile on my face. thank you for always being so sweet and loving, for always encouraging me :) you don't know how much you mean to me dear.

celeste. i'm glad you're my friend :) 'nuff said.

charis lin. dear you are really the definition of sweet. hahaha but i really pray that you will gain some weight :) i'm still scared to hug you sometimes :) but i thank God for placing you in my life. getting to know you is something i will never regret :) and we love you so, Jesus and i :)

charis yue. it's been a long time :) but let's catch up soon dear :) i'll never forget the letters we'd write to each other every single week when we were in teenzeal and you were my leader :) thank you for taking that journey with me. it wouldn't have been the same if someone else was placed over me :) and i think, it wouldn't have been as beautiful a journey if it wasn't you :) love.

charissa. hello my darling! i really miss our 106 journies and our lemon tea adventures :) i miss serving with you, holding your hand talking to you laughing with you crying on your shoulder :) you mean more to me than you know sweetie :) i am always thankful for you in my life :)

cherri. cherri cherri cherri. you wong-bok you :) hahaha i think all i can say is, how could i live without you, i want to know :) haha i sound so drama :D but honestly, thank you for crying with me, for hugs, for laughs, for giving me the thicker blanket, for providing me with countless toothbrushes:) for being my friend because many times i know i'm definitely not the nicest friend to have, for loving me as i am and always telling me i'm beautiful like it's real :) i have my journies but you have yours too :) don't be afraid that i won't be there as often because thats crazy :) i'm a bok-wong. i will always be a bok-wong. nothing will change that.

christine. you may never read this but i'll just write it anyway. from the first time i ever stepped into brightstar :) you were there to greet me with a smile. you're the first friend i had there :) thank you for helping me open up to the rest, for teaching me so so so much more than i could ever learn from seventy two years of studying :) i love you dear.

clara. your posts on multiply are beautiful :) simple but powerful, and so in your face that i love reading them :) thanks for smiling and saying hi everytime i see you in church :)

clarissa. i miss you so much xiao mei.

cliff. i love how you worship behind those drums, i love how you talk about worship and your life with Jesus in your entries :) i love how i can see Jesus in you :)

coach andy. hellooooooooo and greetings from your powerpuff girl :) hahaha. thanks for all the times in HA, and when you were in the poly cluster, and thanks for the amazingly fun time at the armlock station at adventure camp :)

coach han. i miss you coach. thank you for being the one who always saw Jesus in me, who always chose to focus on my good side and not my bad even though the bad was always more overwhelming. thank you for opening doors for me and seeing the potential in me to rise up. thank you for always believing the best in me. part of the reason i am where i am today is you coach :) thank you for that :) i'm so happy that you're getting married :)

coach barnabas. hahahahaahah coach bunny-boos!!!! thank you for always being so willing to listen :) thank you for always waiting for me to finish with whatever i have to say before you start talking. thank you for laughs, thank you for being so real :) thank you coach, thank you.

constance. you're not forgotten babe :) i hope you're doing well :)

creature. thanks for all the times at gelare, at teh tarik. you're an amazing friend :)

daffy. you big sunflower girl! :) i really love seeing you because everytime i see you, you have a huge smile on your face and you remind me that nothing in this world is as bad as i think it is :) love you dear.

denise. dear it's been such a short time that i've known you but i feel like i've known you for years! it's only been a few months in the IM team, but you know what :) i'm glad for those few months :) Daddy is good. adventure camp without you wouldn't have been the same :) so i'm really glad we were all there together!

diana :) i miss laughing uncontrollably with you :) thank God for your spirit of joy. i miss you so much man.

ding. although we don't see each other often nowadays, i want you to know that you're just as precious, and that you're still in my prayers. always. you're one of my greatest blessings :) love.

dunstan teo. maybe we're not as close we used to be, maybe we haven't hung out for a long time, but still i must tell you that you've been a blessing and always will be :) thank you for being you :)

eng kee. thanks for being the gentleman that you are :)

esther! hahaha my cheap thrill friend :) i love reading your testimonies on multiply :) they really encourage me :) heeheeheeeee thanks for being cheap thrill with me!

evan. dear we'll see our dreams come true together :) i'm glad i've got you. psalmist princess you are, never let go of the anointing that Daddy has placed in you :)

florence chan. you really make working a joy :) love.

alicia fun. hahah you're way down here because in my phonebook you're saved under "fun" :D anyway i miss you so so much. we should really go out one of these days :) Daddy will make time for that. i know it.

gary tan!!! ahpa!! :) :) :) do you know how big a blessing you really are to me? from the first big-mouth-frog joke i told you till now, and the OH-MY-GOD that caused you to tear your lip. hahahahahahah! besides the very obvious point that you add so much joy to my life, thank you, for always being there when i'm down, for pulling me back up on my feet, for loving correction, for constantly reminding me of how precious i am to Jesus, for constantly telling me of His love for me. thank you for daring to be real and open with me, pa. your entire life is a story with Jesus waiting to be told to the world. you are a testimony :) and i'm so glad you're my ahpa.

gege. thank you for being a part of my life :) i know you're busy, and i know you have your own journey to take, but thank you so much for making the effort to still be a part of my life :) love you gege.

george. thank you for your wonderful deafening laughter and your amazing singing voice :) HAHAH! you're really amazing you, and i look forward to serving with you more in 2008!

guan. i miss you but i'm really glad to know that you're doing well over there :) thank you for always being so sweet. you really are a woman of God.

hanyuen. thank you for still being my friend even though i was once tremendously mean to you hahahaha :) i know i can be the biggest idiot around at times :D haha haha but thanks. i've seen you grow so so much, and that alone has impacted my life :) more to come for you in 2008 my dear dear brother. you are a blessing just by being you :)

hui lin. dear lets go out soon :) i miss you, and thank you for all the times in productions. i'm so so so proud to tell people that you were once my shepherd my leader :) prouder still to tell them that you are my friend :) love.

ireen. i think i've only talked to you (as in really really talked and not hi-bye) like twice, or was it three times? haha but each time i do, you're just so ready to listen and i can really see the excitement in your eyes when i share with you my testimonies. you really really have a heart for people dear. thank you for taking the time to ask me how i am :)

jingyi. as you mentioned in your letter to me :) we don't spend as much time together as we used to, but i'm glad that we're still friends and that we can still share our lives with each other :) i'm glad i've got a sister like you!

jo soh. dear! i love you man! hahaha thank you for everything :)

joelle. i miss you too much.

john. heyz. hahahahahhahaha! i'm so happy that we're going to your place this friday :) your family has always been a source of joy and acceptance :) from sec3 till today, i'm so glad i saw the teenzeal lanyard on your table, i'm so glad we brought sam and ding to church, i'm so glad we became friends :) you changed my life. thank you for being you :)

jolene kang. thank you for being you. even through the times when i really gave you a hard time with my disgusting attitude and stubborn-ness, you never hated me or got fed up or screamed at me. really dear, thank you. to have a leader and friend like you is just an amazing blessing :) thank you for taking this journey with me. i will invite you to my wedding one day :)

jon liew. haha i'm glad you're back even if its just for three months :) thank you for teaching me, for guiding me :)

joseph goh! hahahaha thank you for being such an excellent server that you would even sneak into the women's meeting and get caught by pauline! HAHA ok joke joke but yes :) i'm so glad that i got the chance to serve with you in camp :) you're amazing. thank you for being you, and for your silly lame jokes that really made me laugh! hahahahaha :) and yahhhhhhh, i know you're 25 still. ahahahhaha :D

joy chua and robin chua!! joyjoy! roar bean! when i look at both of you, i get really inspired :D thank you for everything! for laughs and encouragements :) for lovely beautiful posts on multiply and silly replies :) thank you :)

justin chua :D hello my dear brother. i've known you since i was in primary 4. gosh that's like 9 years? plus minus. we've really grown haven't we :) i'm glad, really glad, that i've got you in my life. thank you for all the bus rides and cab rides home, for all the teh tarik sessions and the many talks, for saying that i have melodious laughter and i really believe that i do hahahaha, for sharing your life with me, for being you :)

kells. dear i really love you :) you're my blessing and we should really go out soon! love.

kenn :) thank you for still saying hi and not running away everytime you see cherri and i :) thank you for the photos!!

larry. hello grandson you've not bought me my walking stick and wheelchair! but you know, thanks for being my guitarist through out my time in ngee ann :) i know that i'm really demanding sometimes but thank you for understanding :) you're an amazing grandson to have.

lauren and lenise. how can i seperate the two of you? you're like the ONLY pair of sisters i know who only quarrel once in five years. hahahah it's too amazing. but thank you for being the sweetest pair of sisters i have ever known. seeing the two of you live together, serve together is really amazing :) really proves that family matters to God :)

liling. please come back. it's time to come back. i miss you so much. there is so much in store for you here. so much that's waiting for you. just turn around and head home. i really want to see you living the much more.

man bear terence :) yes, as is said by you and justin, i have really seen Jesus work in your life in this short time :) i'm glad He brought you into ngee ann caregroup, i'm glad He gave you so much favour with us, i'm glad He put you into the IMstudents team, i'm glad He's given you so much favour there, i'm glad He brought you to choir too :) more new beginnings, are you ready? :)

melon man. to the one who has always always been there for me, thank you. Daddy really really loves me to have given me a friend like you. i don't know what else to say but thank you :)

mingming. love you bro. thank you for opening up to me :) thank you for letting me be your friend. you really have alot in you that's just waiting to burst out :) i'm waiting for the day that you step of the cliff :) because that's the day that the wind will catch under your wings and you'll start to soar effortlessly, higher than you ever imagined you could soar. freedom is but a step away :)

morely! :) you're a great blessing. thank you for protecting us during the armlock game :) and thank you for helping to throw me into the mud. hahahahha :) you're awesome to serve with :)

nat. TSK! hahahahaha dear you're priceless lah you :) i'm glad we were at camp together :) i'm so glad i got to serve alongside with you :) in choir in IM in adventure camp :) more to come amen! loveyou!

nicnic. thank you for being my blessing :) you have been a huge blessing to me in more ways than you know :) thank you for cab rides home, for mrt rides home, for teh tarik nights, for jokes fun laughter, for encouraging me, for praying with me, for being my brother :) i love you man!

pilly and muthu :) thank you pilly for praying for me with me, for laughing for zaofan for crazy silly photos for drawing in my choir file for hugs for singing together for sharing your life with me for letting me share my life with you for always bringing back sth special for me from japan. thank you muthu for sharing on your multiply which never fails to either make me collapse on the floor with laughter or tear because i'm so touched by what i read :) for writing beautiful anointed songs for serving with me in the dare band for lame jokes for encouragement :) thank you both for my 'acquintance' table at the wedding!!! :DDD

ping. you're so cute! hahahahah thank you for teaching me and guiding me, and for complaining together with me about lousy bus service on an early tuesday morning :D

pretty. becks darling i'll never forget bus ride with you to camp :) and i love bumping into you at your shop downstairs when i go down for my lunch break :)

rach. rachel chua you're indescribable :) hahahah even though you nearly swear at me and i nearly swear at you but through it all i'm glad the friendship isn't based on us but on the Unshakable :) i am so glad that we were the ones who discovered i God you :) i'm glad it wasn't anyone else but you. i'm thankful for QT and i'll only ever want to ride a double bike with you, or maybe my future boyfriend haha. thank you for being my friend darling :) iGodyou.

ramona. renoma. hahahahahahha i love you dear ;) i'll never forget the time we took 106 from suntec together to go for cg :) and you made me laugh so hard that i thought i would burst :) but you're really an amazing woman of God. i've yet to pass you tour christmas present but i don't think you're back from israel yet! :) love you so much dear :) lets go out soon.

sam chan :) i can't really remember exactly when was the first time i met you :) but i thank God i did. you're an amazing man of God, and your life is such a testimony. thank you for helping us that time when we wanted to surprise huilin and gary on their birthday :) thank you for planning this adventure camp :) thank you for laughing with me about silly things like gingerbok man and bok-bok-keh. hahahahha! thank you sam!

sammy hammy. dear i love you so so much and i can't wait to see you on the 28th!

shavonne ;) dear i'm glad i chose to hold your hand last year after everyone had left the surprise party for cherri. i'm glad that you're not just my friend's sister, but that you're MY friend too :) i'm glad i got to see you grow in this ministry :) i'm glad i will continue to see such accelerated growth in your life :) loveyou.

trisa. hi my big eyed friend! haha :) love you so much. thanks for the sweet smses that pop out of nowhere but remind me that i'm loved :) thank you for sharing your life with me :) i really love you dear.

uncle jasbeer! thank you for always being so willing to help me :) thank you.

valen. i miss you. come back dear. we're all waiting.

wanhua. haha you're crazy but that's what i love about you :) that you honestly don't really care about what people think about you. and the way you love your friends with a passion :) i love you.

wanting. i'll always remember the time we talked and talked and talked through janet's wedding :) thank you for listening :) thank you for being my friend. thank you for the few suppers that we've had and for sending me home with tat huan :)

wee lock :) hi sis hahahah thank you for loving me, for always sending me home if you have the car even though i stay like at the other end of singapore, and thank you for coming to fetch me to suntec too! you're really a huge blessing :) thanks for all those random drives around singapore :) thank you for sharing your life with me. i know Daddy has great things in store for you :)

woman. annabelle bok you're the weirdest person alive i swear but that's okay :D you're not that bad for a sister hahahahah! thanks :) iloveyou.

yongjeeeeee you're really an amazing friend to have. thank you for everything. you've done so much for me :) thanks for sending me home after choir and supper, thanks for praying with me for me, thanks for singing thank you to me and for always wanting to sing thank you :) its really really encouraging. thanks for listening to me when i have to vomit out everything that's happened, thanks for being ever so patient, thanks for laughing with me. thank you for being my friend. i can't thnk you enough man!

yosh :) i can only say, we should meet more :) be it breakfast lunch or dinner :) hahah love you! thank you for being that source of joy and encouragement in my life, for sharing with me things that are so real :) thank you.

yvonne :) its finally your turn! hhaha i've so much to tell you it's amazing :) thank you for dinner at subway that time when i just had to tell you how i felt about moving up. thank you for always understanding, for caring for encouraging. thank you for being so patient with me. thank you for telling me that you love me :) thank you for standing outside the command post with me to hear me ramble on and on about camp :) thank you for laughing with me :) you're not just my leader, you're not just my friend, you're my Gift from Daddy :) i love you.

zann. dear i'm so glad i met you :) i'm glad you're my friend. i'm glad we serve together :) thank you for being the cute sweet and funny girl that you are. thank you for always holding my hand and for laughing with me, thank you for sharing with me, talking to me and listening to me talk :) thank you dear :) thank you.

zhenling :) thank you for daring to be open with me and for sharing a part of your life with me, for not blaming me for doing sth so silly. thank you for being my friend :) you are amazing, my dear. you really are :) you are beautiful.

i honestly hope that i didn't miss anyone! hahaha if i did just tell me and i'll add you in :D ahahah okay omg :) it's late! i have to sleep! i have work tomorrow! but really :) Daddy really loves me to have placed each of you in my life :) i'm really more than blessed.

talk about letting go

2007-12-25T04:44:00.000-08:00

okay, you know what. i have so much to talk about, about the camp, that i just don't know where to start. but basically, i miss the camp comm and the servers man! goodness! life's different without spending 24hrs with each other! i really miss that man :)

and you know what :)

as servers we really witnessed a change in the people, both individually and as a whole :) which is what i think is one of the most precious things :) you really see bonding happen, and you really see the people mature in their thinking and the way the act.

the joy we felt, seeing the revelation of never-let-go drop from each campers head to their hearts :) from them knowing it to feeling it and then living it :)

it made me feel.. honoured :) and very privileged and blessed indeed that Daddy would actually hand pick me to serve at this camp, alongside many other servers who are like definitions of excellent servers :)

these are people who are always eager to put the campers and even their fellow servers before themselves, these are people who care more for the welfare of others, who would give up their personal time to help a camper in need :) these are the people i serve with, these are the people i am proud to call family :)

amazing people like gary, samchan, yvonne, jo soh, audrey, rach, nat, charissa, denise, morely, louis wang, joseph, ping, yq, zhengfu, anil, big ben, jon poh, coach andy, coach jo, eileen, shirley, xiaohan, bridget, stella, shayna, jana, irish, minghui, edmund, zheng kai, kenn, eng chong, ian and so many more :)

man, you guys are really amazing!! i think it was beautiful to see not only the campers bonding with themselves, but the servers too :) we became family. and i like family.

we looked out for each other, helped each other even with the simple things like getting water or waking up on time :) hahahahaha or taking towel if we forgot :D HAHAHA ok thats only me but still :) thank you charissa! hahaha!

you know it's funny how people can bond so much in just four short days :) sometimes i wish everyday was a camp because we get so close and we learn to live with each other just the way we are.

but then again, if we had that, we'd take it for granted sooner or later. i think, maybe it'd be nice if we learnt to live with each other just the way we are not just in camp, but in the everyday life :)

anyway :)

i will never forget how it feels like to be thrown into an ankle deep pool of mud, and how it feels to be dragged around in it, and definitely how it feels to throw someone else into it! HAHAH o gosh :D

Daddy loves me enough to place me at the armlock station, and He loves me even more to place the specific facils there with me :) rach, drey, shirley, morely, yq, louis, anil, ben, coach andy :)) you guys are amazing man!! hahaha i swear our station is the most happening station :D

and the 5BX station! hahahaha girls, i love all of you from the bottom of my heart! :)) drey, rach, denise, nat, charissa, minghui, jo, linda :) hahahaah we had so much fun going crazy, doing the 5BX ourselves just to keep awake because we were getting so so so sleepy :D

haha and then joseph turned up and made audrey and i laugh so hard that we forgot all about our "role-play" in front of the campers for just that short while :D aahahah the stupid super bass :D hahahah! amazing.

all the late nights, all the madness from lack of sleep, all the going "aaahhhhhh" together because there exists no water heaters in sarimbun scout camp, all the "eh later need to bring file anot?" and all the "what time do we have to wake up ah", and the not being able to climb onto the double decker bed and not forgetting my most wonderful and effective alarm tone :D AHAHAHAH

and of course :) playing the water bottle game! ohhhhhh yvonne! let's get the IM and events team out again :D i promise my hand is better now and i can play it already! let's go ice-skating, or blading at marine cove, or maybe we'll just go back to minds cafe!! hahah! o you know what :D we should go play laser quest!

anyways :) ahhh! i have so much to say! goodness :) the sharing sessions; i'm so sure they sank deep into the hearts of each individual camper and server. the worship and the campfire; crazy fun and beautiful intimate moments with Jesus, beside the ones you love the most :) mission one which brought out the ugliest in the people, but which made Daddy's beauty shine through so strong it became something so undeniable. the supposed mission two which was total exhiliration and fun and madness but which brought each cluster so much closer together, which grew our boys into men, which made the armlock facils realise how cool it is to play in mud hahaha :D

command post duty from 2am to 5am with rachel chua is one of the things i'll never forget :) thank you ong zheng kai for gum, laptop, friday night lights. thank you ahpa for waking me up abit with the mad laughter. thank you kenn for letting us peep abit at the photos! thank you rachel chua for being you :)

:) its beautiful to see people loving each other even with all the ugliness. and its beautiful to see how people so different can come together and talk about just one thing common : Jesus. its beautiful to see people encouraging each other and pulling each other up if they fall. its beautiful to see people finding themselves in Jesus. its beautiful to see people opening up and becoming confortable with each other. its beautiful to see families forming :)

its beautiful, this camp :)

and i know this has been a long post but but but! this is still not all man. everything that's in my heart about the camp is just too too much and i really don't have the ability to express it all in words :)

but one thing i do know, is that this camp has been beautiful. right down to the smallest details and the (extremely) last minute changes. it has seen ugliness, but it has brought out beauty.

and, talking about letting go :)
i know You'll never let go of me, not even my dreams :) so thank You.

WE'RE BAACCKKKKKKKKKKK

2007-12-21T03:24:00.000-08:00

just got back from camp! :) i have never appreciated warm water so much in my life man. and and and ice cream too! it has never tasted nicer! :) hahahahahah most of all, CLEAN TOILETS WOOHOOOOO!!!

anyway, i sprained/twisted my left wrist.

but the amazing thing is that, it only started hurting today like when we reached suntec, though i distinctly remembered that it got injured during the arm lock game cos some guy went abit mad and shoved my arm away and my wrist cracked backwards.

haha haha but God is good. i'm now one hand paralysed. i can't straighten out my fingers totally and i can't turn my wrist in any direction so that sucks cos even bathing and drying yourself and esp changing is damn hard lah! i can't even tie my hair.

it's really God's protection. can ou imagine how i would have struggled if the pain had set in while we were still in the midst of camp? man! then i wouldn't have gotten to "enjoy" being thrown into and dragged around in mud, i wouldn't have been able to play the water bottle game, i wouldn't be able to help with F&B set up and the serving of food, i wouldn't have been able to enjoy campfire goodness me! and today during ministering i wouldn't have been able to catch.

:) you know, Daddy is really so good. everything about the camp was awesome :) :) and so yes cherri, this is as much of a Jesus camp than HM6ix or other camps. what was merely a faith picture less than aweek ago is today a reality :)

anyhow :D i'll talk more about camp next time lah. my dad has finished rubbing my wrist and wrapping it up and i am seriously in need of SLEEP :p

omg, i so love the camp comm and all servers!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HALLELUJAH!

2007-12-17T03:41:00.000-08:00

camp is here :) praise the Lord.

and yeah, i really needed the break :) haha thank You Daddy for perfect timing.

anyway while i'm away i know You'll look after my valerie. she's so precious and even though i've never been through the situation of my mother having a miscarriage, i know it must be hard. and she's only three. she's only three. but she knows.

my heart broke to pieces when she told me "my baby brother is in heaven, and Jesus is looking after him. now my mummy cannot get up from the bed."

but yes Lord. You'll never let go of her :) and i can take comfort in that because my hands are too small, and i'm totally incapable of healing her hurt anyway :) but poppy's never too young to know Your love :)

OKAY! CAMP IS HERE!
WE IS TO BE EXCITEMENT!

funny things!

2007-11-21T03:15:00.000-08:00

eh, i was just thinking. it's so funny, my classmate was telling me the other day that when she was pregnant, and quite late into the pregnancy, i think like 7 mths or so, she was taking the MRT and it was quite crowded, but this woman like pushed her away and just sat down.

then she (my classmate) exclaimed quite loudly, "if you're pregnant you sit down loh, just sit down."

hahhah ok it sounds really mean lah but honestly, it was so funny and i couldn't stop laughing! because the thing is that the woman who pushed her away to sit down was like a well abled person, so yah that's really quite idiotic.

then i started thinking of the means things that i did last time. hahah its quite funny now when i think about it, although some are really quite mean. the one that i really can't forget is the squeezy MRT ride with steve and aliciafun.

hahahah! okay, up till now i still almost can't believe i really did that but o well :D

eh, share leh! hahaha what are the mean but funny things that you've done before! i'm pretty sure everyone has done stuff like that before right! :D

help me

2007-11-15T02:55:00.000-08:00

i'm tired.
i'm really tired God. i really don't know how much further i can stretch, and i really can't tell how much longer i can hold out. i know it's not about me, i know You'll be there when i fall but sometimes it just gets hard.
it's not helping that i've to take the dumb tablets like three to four times a day. it doesn't help that i constantly wake up at 5am with sinus. it doesn't help when you have irritating classmates who think everything's just a big joke. it's not that fun to have 16hr days three days in a row God.
i'm sorry i know i'm being really mean and pessimistic but i'm just tired.

enough is enough, right?

so here goes.

go on and cry. let it out if you need to. I'm still here. have always been. yes, it's Me holding you now, looking silly holding that bucket under your chin to catch your falling tears.

there now, My dear :) don't you feel better already?

because when noone else knows how you feel, My love for you will prove so real. and when noone else cares where you've been, I'll run to you with outstretched hands, and I'll hold you in my arms, always.

now sleep, Sweetie, because tomorrow is in My hands :) remember, your whole world is!

o, and of course, I love you sweets :))

every single lil' thing :)

2007-11-12T03:13:00.000-08:00

for every time You've made me smile
for every tear You keep when i cry
for every single time You lifted me up
for everything Lord i thank You

for every purpose in my life fulfilled
for every precious calling sealed
for every song You put in me
for everything Lord i thank You

for every sunrise in the early morns
for every little drop of rain
for every tree to shelter me
for everything Lord i thank You

for every promise unbroken
for every dream come true
for every little thing You do
thank You that i can trust in You

gosh how i love You :)

2007-11-11T08:02:00.000-08:00

you might think i'm over-reacting, you might think i'm just blowing it up to a size to fit my temper. let me tell you something. if you were me, you'd react in the exact same way.

how many times have we planned to meet, and always always always i'm left sitting there like some.. some dumb girl, walking around aimlessly for at least half an hour.

you know yourself that it's not the first time you've been really late.

you know yourself that it's not the first time you only woke up when it's time to meet.

you know yourself how many times i've told you it doesn't actually matter if you're gonna be late, but i just want you to tell me so i can make other plans, but you never did. and i always have to be the one to call you, only to hear "o haha i'm late"

like i don't already know, because i'm already at where we're supposed to meet.

it's going overboard girl. really overboard.

there are limits to my patience, and i'm not God so i'm sorry to break the news to you this way but i can't love you unconditionally the way He does. sometimes, things still get to me and i still get pissed off if some things just don't change, even after such a long time and so many chances.

too many times dear, too many times.

you can even forget that we have plans for dinner and plan to meet up with someone else :) haha. sometimes i don't even know what to say anymore.

it's like, meeting me is a matter so trivial that everything else surpasses its priority :)

but that's okay.

you aren't my only friend dear :)
haha but you should just know that i'm really pissed off this time :)

and you said 730pm tmr. if you're not there by 745pm, i'm going home :)

someday :))

2007-10-31T06:14:00.000-07:00

someday we'll know if love can move a mountain
someday we'll know why the sky is blue
someday we'll know why i wasn't meant for you

someday we'll know why samson loved delilah
someday we'll go dancing on the moon
(i dunno how this line goesss)

hey now, i know, cos Love has moved my mountains
hey now, i know why the sky is blue
hey now, i know why He gave His life for you

someday we'll know why samson loved delilah
someday we'll go dancing on the moon
one day we'll be, walkin' on heavens streets of gold

:) one day, someday! and i'm living in exciting times!

LOOK LOOK!

2007-09-01T09:39:00.001-07:00

:) can you see it?

GREATNESS :) and of course, a HUGE load of LOVE:)

to never forget :)

2007-08-19T06:01:00.000-07:00

you know today, as pastor was praying for us after the service and all, it suddenly felt as if God was letting me watch a movie.

i swear it's the best movie i've seen in my life.

i saw that scene in The Passion, where Jesus was hanging on the cross, bleeding and beaten beyond form of recognition, crying out, "My God, My God, why have You forsaken me?"

and you know how it is in movies when they show a scene that happens concurrently to the scene that they just showed?

concurrently to Jesus hanging on the cross, i saw God, ripping out the gates of hell like how samsom ripped out the gates of the philistines. i then saw new meaning to the phrase "the gates of hell shall not prevail against us".

then, as the roman soldier poked his spear into the side of Jesus and the water splashed out onto his face, God smashed the gates of hell on the ground and commanded with a voice that was full of victory, "LET MY PEOPLE GO!"

"but He brought His people safely out of egypt, loaded with silver and gold; there were no sick or feeble people among them." psalm105:37

:) haha thank you samson for sharing your story!

the Sun, the Son

2007-08-16T03:31:00.000-07:00

so i remember one night, i think about a year ago, i was lying in brother's bed at about 4am, there about. he was in thailand i think, and his bed's just beside the window, which slide open so you can just push everything to one side and the opening gets really big and you can see almost the whole sky.

and i remember staring up at the sky and thinking to myself, golly, those people are right when they said that the sky is the darkest before dawn, cos by gum the sky was really pitch black!

and likewise, the only other time i remembered seeing that many stars in the sky was the time when the entire singapore had a blackout :) haa i remember that!! had to hold a huge candle and walk down twelve flights of stairs to fetch the sister :D

anyway :) i remember being inquisitive, probing God with questions about why He had to make it such that the sky is darkest before dawn, why not a few hours before, why SO dark, why this why that why to everything about the issue.

wasn't really expecting an answer because i thought it was just some random question floating around in my brain, the retorical kind which you think of just cos you're bored those kind.

but suddenly it's like i could literally hear a voice whispering in my ear, not that it wa creepy or anything but yeah, woah.

and it said (not exactly but as best as i can remember) that the sky is always darkest before dawn so that i'd be able to see the beauty of the sunrise to its fullest extent, to see the complete drama of His art work :)

for me to know that, at the darkest points of times in my life, all i ever have to do is to lift my head high, and i'll see a sky full of stars, full of the Lord's promises for me and toward me, to remind me that hope is still and always will be there.

in fact, i realised, i don't even try with my own efforts to lift my head up high, because in psalms it is promised to me that Daddy Himself is the Lifter of my head :) the One who holds my head high.

isn't my Jesus so beautiful? :))

isaiah55:11

2007-08-15T06:57:00.000-07:00

:) my favourite verse for now.

thanks Daddy, for 'forcing' me to read my daily devotions :D heheh You knew how much i need it, every single day. thanks man!

Isaiah 55:11
So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; it shall not return to Me void, but it shall accomplish what I please, and it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.

:) thank You Daddy, You even remember the prayers that i forget, the prayers that i think will never come true, the prayers that i even lost faith in.

actually come to think of it, prayer is talking to God. and you know how powerful that is? doesn't matter where, doesn't matter when, doesn't even matter why. God hears, God knows, God remembers, God fulfills.

and in fact He doesn't just make it come to pass, because the Bible says that "it shall prosper" and yeah, that basically means that everything i tell God will happen and will be fulfilled in a really really really goooood way.

it's mind-blowing to think how a God so big and so magnificent would actually come down to my level just to talk to me, just to hear my prayers.

do you even know how much i actually mean to Him, for Him to do all this just for me? do you know how much He loves me for my words to mean so much to Him that He would actually remember them?

come on. it's like, as much as i love the favouritest of my kids, i know i'm definitely not the best teacher, and as best as i want to love them, many times i don't even remember alot of things about them.

but think about it. i'm not a perfect teacher but God is the epitomy of Perfection! there is a reason to why He is called the Lord of Lords and the King of Kings you know!

and can you imagine? once the word goes forth from your mouth, God hears and keeps it in His memory. even the softest sigh or the littlest comment, the smallest complaint. everything. He hears everything.

i don't even listen to everything my mom says! or my closest friend, or favourite kid.

:) and He understands me.

how amazing can this get right? how cool can this God be?

sometimes we wait so long just to see one dream come true, and when it finally comes true we're so thrilled, so happy, so.. refreshed. as if your faith just soared to greater heights.

can you imagine, if you get so happy at your dream finally coming true, what about Daddy, who has been the One planning the surprise all along?

i mean, i really honestly love planning surprises for people, or even making them little gifts or cards just to see their happy faces when they recieve the gift :)

even though it takes time to complete the card or takes money to get the present and stuff like that, it makes me happy why? only because i know how happy the reciever of the gift will be :)

and throughout the process of making the card/present i get really excited too, just thinking about the person you're gonna give it too, just picturing the smile on that person's face.

how about God!

God, who is altogether lovely, who is perfect in every action deed thought and motive, who is perfect love, who is totally and completely for me, who is head over heels in love with me, who gave up His very Son for me.

can i even dare to begin imagining how happy GOD is when planning these small little surprises for me?

it's like His full time job! He spends all His time thinking of the next way to bless me, the next way to make me happy, the next dream of mine that He can fulfill for me, the next way He can prosper me.

if i, being imperfect, know how to be happy in seeing someone else happy, HOW MUCH MORE GOD! and i am the object of His love leh!!

:) o Lord! want You to know You make me happy :) hahahahahha :)

thank You Daddy for Isaiah55:11.

:) THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

freedom

2007-08-11T04:43:00.000-07:00

I have never walked on water

Felt the waves beneath my feet but

At Your word Lord

I receive Your

Faith to walk on oceans deep

And I remember

How You found me

In that very same place

All my failings

Surely would have drowned me

Still You made a way

You are my freedom

Jesus You’re the reason

I’m kneeling again at Your throne

Where would I be without You

Here in my life

You have said that all the heavens

Sing for joy at one who finds the

Way to freedom

Truth of Jesus

Bought from death into His life

And I remember

How You saw me

Through the eyes of Your grace

Though the cost was

Your Beloved for me

Still You made a way

thank You Lord, because i don't know what else to say, don't know what else to do, but one thing i do know, one thing i know for certain, is that You have made a way for me.

that much i know.

when noone else knows how i feel, Your love for me is proven real. and that's true freedom.

kids :)

2007-07-21T07:37:00.000-07:00

are REALLY a GIFT from God :)

honestly, the past three months in Brightstar has taught me so so so much, and yeah, i have never once regretted stepping past those glass doors that click shut really loudly :) i am so glad to have had my contract extended twice :) :)

one thing for sure, working with kids have definitely taught me patience :p

i used to get seriously annoyed when for example you're in a shopping centre and you see a kid throwing a tantrum like a mad dog, rolling about on the floor and screaming as if he had to prove to the world that he actually had lungs.

but i've realised, hey, even kids have reasoning :) and though it might not be the most sensible thing to us adults (or.. older ones hahaha), but they have their reasons. (okay maybe with some exceptions haha)

after working with kids for the past few months, i realised that when i see a kid crying over what i thought was for no reason, i'd get more concerned now than i was before, like i would really want to know the kid's reason for crying :)

and also, another thing i've learnt is how to be a kid again :) how to laugh if you want to laugh and not keep it in, how to enjoy even the simplest things and be satisfied with the littlest of pleasures :)

sometimes i find myself being so kiddish when i'm out with my own friends, they don't even know what i laugh about sometimes because it seems like i spend so much time with the kids until i find what they find funny funny too! hahah :)

:) you know how easy it is to make a kid smile? :) just a silly face, a wink, a response, a tiny tap on the nose :)

so many times people think that the only thing that will make a kid really happy is like a toy, or maybe sweets and chocolates and maybe barney or spiderman.

but i've learnt that what means most to them is really, LOVE.

like what our supervisor always reminds us, give the kid an hour of your time, and he'll give you two hours of peace. but if you ignore the presence of that kid or fail to assure him that you're aware of his presence, when you need him to listen to your instructions, you'll get two hours of hell instead.

:) and it's so true. you can't imagine how loving kids can be :)

what makes my day every single day in school is just to see the genuinely happy and smiling face on even just one kid :) you know, when kids are happy, you can really really see the joy literally radiating and oozing from their faces and smiles :) and it's contagious!(howtospell)

another thing i've learnt from kids is, really, forgiveness.

one moment, edmund tan snatches the toy from aaron and they get into a huge fight resulting in aaron sinking his teeth into edmund and edmund sinking his nails into aaron, and ends with screams and tears and annoyed teachers.

the next moment, they're best friends again, playing with each other as if they were inseperable since birth :)

or you scold them for doing something wrong and the next thing you know, he's all wrapped around your leg like a koala bear, and the next thing you hear is just "teacher manda, i love you!"

:) i mean, yeah. kids are really people who know how to enjoy the moment, live in the moment.

learning to be a kid again, for me, is so much more than just learning how to have fun although yah, that is really important haha! :)

more importantly, of course, is that i've learnt to recieve love so readily.

i mean, you'll never see a child refusing a hug or not smiling (even if it's secretly) after being kissed on the cheek, or a child refusing to sit on your lap. okay maybe abused kids but aiyah you know what i mean right!

:) i love it you know, how my dear jeryl is so attached to me :) he loves sitting in my lap so much :) haha i lovelove playing with him :) i love it how isabel sweetie will stare up at me with those huge gigantic eyes, fully expecting me to carry her :) i love it how renee refuses to let go of my hand, or rather, finger :) i love it how jamiel even gets jealous when she sees me carrying other kids! i just find it super funny and amusing lah! :) i love how ruben always wants to sit beside me and help me carry the toothbrush tray "because it's very heavy" :) :) i love how daniel runs to me and flings himself into my arms every morning just to hug me and say "teacher amanda!" :) i love how kimi calls me "teacher panda" and giggles with delight every single time i touch her nose :) i love how my noah will run to me everyday to sing me 'tong hua', and i don't even have to ask :)

o man! i could go on forever about my kids! :)

but yeah, it's so amazing and lovely to see how easily and readily kids acccept love and attention. and for me, realising this has made me come to realise something.

that my Daddy King in Heaven, everyday, every single moment of every single day, He just can't wait to give ALL His attention to me, pour out every single drop of His love on me!

but how do i react to that? do i recieve it easily and readily? or do i shy away thinking that O maybe He has some, like, ulterior motive.

o come on amanda bok! the bible already says that Jesus is ALTOGETHER LOVELY, and He is PERFECT! what ulterior motive? this full-man-full-God knew no sin, did no sin, had no sin in Him.

every single thing about Jesus is perfect, even His motives.

and anyway, who said you always have to have a motive to love someone? :) why can't we just leave love as it is, plain and simple. why can't we just leave it at, when you love someone you just cannot help but want to be with him, want to talk to him, want his attention, want to do things for him, want to think about him, want to remember him, want to make him happy, to want the best for him :)

:) yupp. for now, for me, i'll leave love as this.

:) and thank you kids, for teaching me to dare to be loved all over again, for helping to find my way back into love :) :) yeah, Jesus wants to love me, to hold me, to have me sit in His lap, to look up at Him with big eyes and expect to be carried, to make me happy, to talk to me, to give me all His attention, to be with me, to pat me to sleep every night and even if i'm just taking a nap.

:) kids. my blessing.

2007-07-12T08:27:00.000-07:00

Proverbs31:25

She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.

this is Your Promise to me, You who is incapable of lying.

no more plasters, Daddy. the wound is open and fresh for You to heal, for You to love back to wholeness.

no more running away.

here in Your embrace, is where i'm home, is where i belong.

2007-06-30T10:47:00.000-07:00

it's not fair Lord. why is this happening, why does it have to be like this, when will my miracle come, when will it be my turn, why him, why her, why not me, why must it be this way, how come it didn't turn out the way i thought it would, why this why that why why why...

"sshhh.." He whispers.

:) "life doesn't have to be fair before you can enjoy it."

2007-06-30T10:01:00.001-07:00

:) it's happening again you know. remember how you were with the rest of us back then, getting all upset because we never could understand his actions and how it seemed that they were getting more important to him than us?

well, now it's you.

okay, it's not that i'm blaming you because maybe this is just how it is. maybe this is just part and parcel of life and what we will all have to go through.

hahah, though if you look at it a lil' differently, don't you think it's kinda scary? how it sorta.. 'steals' you away? you know how we're feeling now, i know you do because you were there previously.

honestly, i miss you.
and yes, like what you boldly admitted to me a few months ago (maybe even longer) (which i truly appreciate your doing so by the way), i am jealous.
yeah, maybe we're still quite alike anyways. but it's like, i really truly honestly feel like i'm being replaced in your life.

gege, i really miss you.

and i want to stop guessing with you, because i am tired. you're not the only one with problems in this life. being the main victim doesn't make you the only victim, you know what i mean?

sing with a four stringed guitar, just sing.

2007-06-29T11:09:00.001-07:00

but, i cry too.

don't you get it?

2007-06-25T08:59:00.000-07:00

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray

Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I'd pray
I could break away

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky.
Make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun.
But I won't forget all the ones that I love.
I'll take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away

Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jetplane
Far away
And break away

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky.
Make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun.
But I won't forget all the ones that I love.
I'll take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away

Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging with revolving doors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me
Gotta keep movin on movin on
Fly away
Break away

maybe one day i'll break away from you
and all the love we once knew

if for once you'd stop looking at you, yourself, and your problem
you'd realise you're not the only one suffering.

being the main victim doesn't make you the only victim, you just choose to see it that way :) i'm fine if you don't trust me.

2007-06-17T10:31:00.001-07:00

so, have you watched Pilot of the Currybean?

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA HOGS YOU ARE QUITE FUNNY TOO!

2007-06-16T12:45:00.000-07:00

"when i heard 'hi dear' i was like, woaahhhhhh..."

"like it means so much to you?"

"oh it sure does"

:) maybe one day then.

and i so need to get a tan please. and even more so, a goooood and loooooooong massage. thank You Jesus :)

2007-06-10T09:03:00.000-07:00

you would most probably get pissed off when you read this, but i insist you have to know, and because i'd rather you be pissed off at me for forever rather than have you go deeper and deeper and deeper into this shit until it is too hard for you to even try to get out.

no. i would even sacrifice our friendship to make sure you are safe from jerks such as these. but then again i know my God will not allow that.

you should know that ever since all that started, about two months ago, i sometimes hate to go out with you because you're so distracted you're not even yourself, sometimes it's like you're not even there with me because all you do is stare and stare and try to find that thing.. that person..

can i just... just remind you of something?

"enough is enoug"

you said you understood. i wanted to trust that you did. because i don't want you to get hurt. because, partly myself to blame, i have had a bad feeling about this guy ever since i first saw him, and i really really really regret not telling you. at first i thought i was just being a bitch, or just that i didn't know him personally.

now i know it's not.

i don't want you to get hurt because i know how it is to be hurt emotionally. it's way more complicated to fix than physical hurt. it takes way longer to heal. i know you know that too. so do yourself a favour.

get out now while you still can. hear it from us. you know we care. you know we love you. you know we want to protect you. and yes, we really do.

you know he's not for real. sorry for the harsh reality but it would benefit you to know. you may not think so now but in time to come i hope you will understand why i have to be so brutally honest, why i can't be more.. 'lenient' with this.

because i will NOT be lenient to ANYONE who tries to be funny with you.

sorry if this hurts, and i don't mind if you're angry. because i'd rather piss you off like hell than see you go have your heart torn to pieces, to see you puke your emotions all over the floor and then try to put them back together again.

and i do love you.

2007-05-25T10:01:00.000-07:00

ijustwantedtoletitoutisitacrimetomakeknownonesfeelingsnowadaysdoeseverysinglethinginlifehave
tocomewithpreaching?

if you know so much, you would know that after i let it out, i don't stay angry for long. so why can't you just let me let it out?!

SO HARD MEH?

as if when you angry that time you like to hear people say "eh don't be so angry lah"

wahlaoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

2007-05-23T05:36:00.000-07:00

ni zhen de jui de wo gen ni yi yang, you zhe me duo shi jian ma? ren jia shi ZUO GONG ya, da jie da! ni yi wei quan shi jie shi nieally cannot help it. just because i used to email you guys no matter how busy school gets, it's just not the same as work okay please. it's not as if i'm not trying, or not as if i'm purposely making your life difficult. i know you also need to send to huilin gary. i also have alot of things to do. can understand anot, the moment we reach the centre we start working and rarely have a so often when n i dtong nightmares, which means only one bloody hour to do the paper work. PLEASE UNDERSto finish an entire d send again. no matter how many timeso.

and kokay. imagine trying !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

s in office was because office u le. help me what ca!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i ben kui de.meimei has been havizai zhe yang xia qu, wo hu

to help me, but yahoo don't want you email me i rothing i can do but wait for me to paper work in? please please please rush home an

Daddy, wo bu yao zai ason for me to try to make your life any more

WO KUAI YAO BU XING LEi wa

. seriously wo. please, i don't need pity. zhi xiang yao ni liao jie yi xia, bai tuo. de ma??? do you , we're like on the same team can. there's no replease, miss. if the ni shuknock off thenday's o guo, ni da neng di shou hui jiu shu wo shen ming. KUAI DIAN LAI JIU WO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YE SUTAND CAN??? if even you won't understand, THEN HOW! gen ni jiang, bu shi yao ni ke lianknowsystem doesn't want to send the email to you there is n

that stupid two hours. and by the way, for this whole week difficult. i also want it???moment to rest. when the kids are having their two hour nap it doesnt mean that we teachers have life easy as well job is so free. here at cdc it is different you get

shen ah jiu jiu wo ah.

2007-05-11T06:11:00.000-07:00

:) i lovelovelove my precious brightstar kids! oh man! :) :) it's really love love LOVE leh! :) let me tell you about them k! omg so precious!!

silly nat nat :) my little nathaniel elijah lim :) this darling boy is new, so he basically just cries the entire time he's at the centre because being at the centre means that mummy isn't by his side. but you know, he's the sweetest boy :) always comes and hugs me and blowsme flying kisses :) and he always wants me to carry him :)

paul, my handsome ang moh boy! :) :) aiyoh, he is super helpful you know :) because natnat is constantly crying, sometimes when i tell him to go and take tissue he'll just stand there and cry, then my little paul will take tissue for him and wipe nose for him know! :) :)

my precious jon jon :) jonathan song :) wahh i love leh! he run here run there, all the teachers ask him to sit down but he doesn't want to listen. then i call "jon jon!" and he will walk slowly to me and stop right in front of me and smile :) then when i ask him to sit down, he'll point at my lap :) hahaha so sweet right! then when i nod, he plops himself down and stays there for like half an hour :) :)

and then my sweet little claudia :) we call her meimei because herkorkor is in the next class :) she's so cute i tell you, always laughing and smiling when i look at her :) and she refuses to hold other people's hands :) she always wants to hold my hand :)

jin ling! :) :) :) my princess girl :) always ask me to tie hair for her :) and she's so silly and cute and pretty and happy and cheerful :) and i love her super alot! she loves to play silly games with me :) she's damn funny i tell you :)

pretty cherie ong :) she's called Baby :) she's sssooooooooo pretty! and she's very talkative but it's so cute, she's so cute!!! :) i tell you her eyes are big and round, and her eye lashes are super long :)

:) :) :) woww Daddy, thanks for this oppurtunity to come work in Brightstar :) it has indeed blessed me abundantly!

2007-05-05T08:35:00.000-07:00

oh Lord. Lord i'm sad. maybe it was never wise of me to get myself into a trio anyway. with odd numbers, there will always be one left out, no?

i know it sounds selfish but Lord, why me?

oh well. look after me alright. i don't want to be a bitter person because i know You made me to be a Woman of Compassion.

Lord, wash over me with Your sweet Love.

2007-05-01T08:05:00.000-07:00

BLOODY HELL LAH!

can be more understanding anot?
can read finish then ask anot so that you won't ask stupid questions which were actually already answered?
can be more considerate anot?
can stop being so biased towards your son anot?
can see things from my point of view anot?
can stop being so demanding anot?
can give a damn about me anot?
can care more about me than the money i am making anot?

can anot can anot can anot???

PLEASE LAH! BLOODY HELL.

2007-05-01T05:19:00.000-07:00

you know the amazing thing?

i was watching the commercial for The Apprentice, which stars Donald Trump right. and everyone knows Donald Trump, that famous business man who has so much cash that he can use hundred dollar bills to wipe his ass :)

anyways, he said something that struck me.

"to be a winner, you have to see it, you have to be positive."

:) yes you guessed it - visualisation.

and yes, it's that powerful when you are a child of the Most High.

2007-04-25T20:14:00.000-07:00

from hence forth, i have made up my mind to be very careful about giving names to my children :) very very careful.

some weird (sad?) names that i have come across so far :

- ong su kar (wah lao!!!)
- annie hou (ops)
- lim zhui (surname Lim, name Zhui. ooommmgggg)
- lim gay san (how to go japan?)
- chew ser chim (what a cheem sir)
- lee kum hiah (now!)
- ann hock kee (i know his favourite sport!)

:) and remember to check the surname of the person you marry too.

sarah kang-khor.

no, she really exists lah! i just changed her first name :) for privacy :) but oh dear right.

or for example, amanda teo-bok. hahahahahah okay, i was just bored. i repent for laughing at people's names :)

2007-04-24T07:51:00.000-07:00

so i have to take everything that all twelve or thirteen or fourteen of you have to throw to me, and everything inclusive of good bad and ugly, and at the end of the day, i'm not even allowed to get things off my chest?

is that even fair?

it's like everything is my fault and everything i do is wrong. why don't you try to take my place if you think it's that easy?

i just needed to let it out :( is it really that hard to just listen?

for the record, i'm SORRY. like i always have to be.

Daddy, it's not supposed to be so difficult. i do love them, i just need an outlet. who else was i supposed to tell? huilin? gary? samchan? let me learn to listen too. i want to be able to just listen.

and c'mon mother. you know when i'm pissed off so you should jolly well know that you shouldn't ask me dumb questions.

yah fine, i'm just a big idiot with an attitude problem - AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WAH THANKS AH.

jesus, i am rolling my eyes now and i am very angry so whatever it is however you do it i dont really give two hoots now but make it better before i get too tired and i burn out because this is not the way i am supposed to be living my bloody life it is not supposed to be like this. thank you for listening to all this crap.

2007-04-21T10:23:00.000-07:00

my blessings my swans :) :) :)

2007-04-15T12:04:00.000-07:00

if i'm not wrong, it has been about two weeks since i've gotten the proper eight hours of sleep in a day. the maximum number of hours i've had for a single day for the past two weeks is i think, six?

let's see. today, i'm just done with my productions proposal. and it's now 3.07am! but at least i don't have to get up early tomorrow :) my only appointment is lunch at 3.30pm, which is about 12hours away :)

saturday i couldn't sleep even though i was super super tired. in the end, i slept at around 5am and woke up at like 7.20am. yeah i was going for first service. :) after that i literally spent an entire day in suntec tower four :) doing publicity for our launch and having productions meeting.

friday i stayed over at cherri's. i was so so tired that when i reached her place, i bathed and fell asleep almost immediately on her bed without even waiting for my hair to dry. knocked out for about an hour before waking up and going abit mad over some productions issues until like 5.30am when we finally went to sleep. woke up at 11am and left for productions and campus which also meant i spent the entire day in suntec!

thursday after bible study, i went to grab a bite with some of my caregroup because i didn't eat lunch and dinner. reached home about 12am and went to bathe, after which i went online and started sending out emails and chatting with gary and cherri until 3am. woke up the next morning at 7.30am for a full day of work :)

wednesday after choir practice, went for dinner at the kopitiam because i only managed to grab one spring roll before that. dear dunny swaniee said i looked too tired so he blessed me with cash to cab home. :) reached home a little before 12am, bathed, went online, and started sending out ops stuffs until 2+am or was it 3+am?

tuesday after work, had productions meeting and launch practice, and filming. left office at 8+pm and went to have dinner which i didn't have appetite for. headed to starbucks with cherri, huilin, gibs and gary. discussed about productions until 10.30pm. reached home at about 12am and went online to clear some admin and ops stuff, and to manage the yahoo group hahah. selpt at 2am.

monday is my off day so yah :)

anyway, i said all that not so that you would pity me or feel sorry for me. i mean, yes, of course i'm tired, of course i feel abit worn out and sore.

but the thing is, i do have full office days at work every day. and never once have i felt sleepy while in the office :) the wonders of being in the house of God - literally in my case.

and anyway, all the productions and all is also for Arrow Ministry, also God's ministry :) and this just goes to prove right, that Daddy never never never shortchanges His servers :)

i have survived full 12+hour-days feeling totally energised and happy with a total of two hours sleep the previous night. no i don't do drugs and no caffiene has almost no effect on me.

what else but God? :) He sustains me. the Joy of the Lord is my Strength.

alrighty, i'm not saying that it's wonderful to lead a lifestyle like mine lah. also bad on my part that i keep procrastinating sometimes. but i really and sincerely enjoy all that i do :) honestly i love every bit of it.

i love being stretched while having to rush out productions to meet the deadlines and the standards and the expectations :) not in a saddistic way lah of course! i love finishing up my work in the office really fast and asking for more things to do :)

i love having June work to do when it's still only April, because i've finished April's and May's work :) i love pushing myself to see how far i can stretch those boundaries, to find out that i can do so much more than i thought :)

i love having Daddy King patiently sitting beside each and every single moment, and admiring and smiling at what i do :)

although many times i find myself irritating because of that perfectionist thing in me, which won't allow me to rest/eat/sleep until i'm totally satisfied with the standard of my work. it has to be up to my own standards of perfection, no matter how late it is, no matter how tired i am. i can even forget that i'm hungry :)

and my boss always scolds me for forgetting to go for lunch, or for coming back from lunch too early :) then in the remaining half an hour, she won't allow me to do any work and will keep insisting that i relax and just surf the net. favour or favour? :) :)

my colleagues are constantly asking me if i need any help or if i want them to help me buy anything :) esp uncle ban hong, oh i am super thankful for him! :)

thank You Jesus, for proving Yourself to be so real in my life. thank You that You take this perfectionist attitude and make it into something good. something that will benefit me and the people around me. help me put this gift to good use.

teach me to look after my body, which is Your temple, where Your Holy Spirit dwells. teach me to rest in You as i do my work, rush out proposals and designs and ideas. thank You that my inspiration is You, thank You that You are my creative wisdom :)

thank You Jesus Darling for giving me the boldness to ask when i'm not sure, to probe until i get an answer that i'm satisfied with, for giving me the courage to be real with others. Jesus, teach me to be accountable and responsible :)

Daddy King, make me a true Proverbs31 :)

alltheloveintheworld :) :) :)

2007-04-10T19:44:00.000-07:00

:) my Daddy King is practical man, and He is real.

i tell you, after a full day's work yesterday, then productions meeting and filming of announcements and more meeting which stretched till 10+pm, i was so tired.

add in the fact that servers/leaders meeting the previous night had stretched to quite a late time too, which meant that i got home quite late, which meant that i slept late too.

hahaha plus, having to send out urgent emails each night, and to plan and coordinate lots of operational stuff :)

don't get me wrong, i'm not complaining :) in fact i love doing all this. hahah don't ask me why but i just do :) but the point is that no matter how much you enjoy something, you will get physically tired after some time.

so i was really tired.

but guess what. the moment i walked out of suntec towards the bus stop while debating intensely with myself on whether or not i should just cab home since i was so tired anyway, a red mazda drove past me and honked.

then, it jam-braked and reversed (HAHAH so dangerous loh please) and the car window wound down and i heard someone shout "BOK!"

yay! my saviour! hahahah, my very present help in time of need :)

johnny and his red mazda! :) hahahah yay! and just like what twe talked about on the car, i'd not seen this guy in ages, and the first time i see him after such a loooong time is actually just after he got his car and liscense back :)

woww please :) i was so so so thankful because i was really super tired :)

so, in the end, what should have been a 'lonely' one hour bus ride home took twenty minutes :) don't even start comparing a crowded, squeezy and smelly bus to the comfort of a red mazda 3 man.

hahah so yeah, i said all this to say that, hey. God really is faithful :) even in the smallest and most practical of ways :)

Daddy i love you!

see, He places me at the right place at the right time, i don't have to try to get there :) :)

2007-03-30T03:18:00.000-07:00

psalm5:3
"listen to my voice in the morning, Lord. each morning i bring my requests to You and wait expectantly."

it's one thing to wait, and it's a different thing to wait expectantly. :) there's a very big difference.

for example, if i want to sit with Pilly during choir and i don't know whether or not she will really be there, i'll just be waiting. and while waiting, i'd get impatient, i'd start to doubt, i won't be able to pay much attention to anything or anyone else.

on the other hand, if i know for sure that she's coming, like maybe i called or sms-ed her and she told me she would be coming and she would sit with me, that would be waiting expectantly.

because i know she will come, i can then relacx and rest easy, be at peace, and i can pay attention to other things and other people, and i can enjoy. :) yes, even while waiting i can enjoy because i just know that i can sit with her later.

so it's the same thing why i can wait expectantly upon bringing my requests to the Lord each morning. :) because in the bible it is promised to me that Daddy Kinng will grant me all the desires of my heart. :)

while waiting for these promises to be fulfilled in my life, i can relax and enjoy and sit easy, i can be at peace and i can enjoy every single moment of my life. i don't have to wait until the promises are fulfilled before i enjoy, because i know that they WILL be fulfileld in due time.

i know for certain. :) i have an iron-clad gaurantee; which is my Daddy God's promise to me, His Living Word. :) thank You Jesus.

also, in psalm5:1-2
"O Lord, hear me as i pray; pay attention to my groaning. listen to my cry for help, my King and my God, for i will never pray to anyone but You."

David actually had the boldness, even in the old testament, to tell God to hear him and pay attention to him!

and David, he is none other than the one known as the man after God's own heart. :)

and yeah, like he said in verse3, he brough his requests to the Lord EACH MORNING. :) every single morning you know! :)

amazing. :)

2007-03-27T23:13:00.000-07:00

:) and this is why i love to be with you! iiiiii love to be with you, iiiiiii love to be with you! :) :) :)

(let's dance again soon hahahahah)

our failed emo shot! :) which i love! and no i didn't photoshop my arm! hahahahahaha

the dresses that we love in exactly the same two dressing rooms :) :) :)

the happy shot. :) it's really happy :) :) :)

2007-03-25T19:42:00.000-07:00

psalm40:3 "He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. many will see what He has done and be astounded. they will put their trust in the Lord."

yes Daddy You see my heart and You grant my deepest desires. :) i really really really want to write beautiful songs that will touch many hearts and go places, songs that let people see what You have done in my life, and will leave them astounded and amazed. :)

amen Daddy. amen. i'll take this verse and i'll run with it. :)

YOU ARE FAITHFUL. :) :) :)

2007-03-24T11:12:00.000-07:00

today, i am once again left in awe of my sweetest Daddy.

on the way home from Campus it started raining really heavily, so when i reached my stop, i called home and my dad answered. i asked if he could come fetch me with an umbrelly but he didn't want to and to be honest i was hurt.

it hurt so bad that i tried to cover it up with anger. so i started being angry with my dad, and even more so when i started seeing other people have loved ones coming to the bus stop to fetch them with umbrellys.

you know, the feeling of sitting all alone at the bus stop on a rainy and windy night really sucks. it seriously sucks. i felt so hurt and i felt so alone. i kept telling myself i was really angry, like why can't he just walk abit? i am his daughter after all right?

after sitting at the bus stop for quite some time, i finally decided to just walk home alone. i felt so dumb walking home alone in the heavy rain getting drenched, biting my lip to keep the tears from spilling out. i felt like such an idiot because i'd expected to get home nice and happy, and to have gotten to spend at least that some time with my dad.

yes, it hurts to be rejected. it hurts alot.

when i finally got home, i stood outside the door for awhile. shrugged off my hurt and went in, trying to act like nothing was wrong. but it still hurt. alot. maybe i'm just over emotional. :)

after that, i told cherri about it and she gently knocked some sense into me. :) i was never alone. not even while walking in the rain.

i went to shower and i just cried everything out. and i stood there sobbing like a little girl who lost her favourite toy, but it was good to let it out. after that, i felt so much better. and i realised that what cherri said was true.

even while sitting at the bus stop, i wasn't alone because Daddy was sitting there with me. and even while walking in the rain i wasn't alone because Daddy was walking with me.

then i was left in awe. because i was so amazed at how Daddy really is willing to go down to my level, no matter how low that may be. that He, the King of Kings and the Lord of All was willing to come down and walk in the rain with me, sit at a bus stop with me.

:) i am never never never alone.

2007-03-24T09:09:00.000-07:00

it hurt that you didn't care at all.

oh Jesus :(

2007-03-23T13:32:00.001-07:00

psalm73:23 "yet i still belong to You; You are holding my right hand."

so i was thinking about this verse, and i was thinking, Jesus is at the Father's right hand, correct? but if Jesus is holding my right hand, then i must be on His left, right? ;p (no pun intended okay hahaha)

so, if Jesus is at the Father's right hand and i am at Jesus's left side, then GOSH!

I AM IN THE MIDDLE!!!

:) :) :)

there is no insignificant detail in the Bible, of this i am convinced. :)

2007-03-23T00:36:00.000-07:00

hello sweetest darlings :) you two can't even know how much i really miss you both. precious precious sweethearts to me, you know? :)

i honestly love you both. :)

thank You Daddy darling dearest, for samm and ding. (: (: (:

2007-02-19T17:08:00.000-08:00

woman. i was pissed today because i just felt you could have been more understanding. he was already not very happy to begin with already. they have been on a cold war since saturday night and the last we all want is for things to get worse. i understand that you want to get to grandma's because so do i but that doesn't mean we disrespect all the other relatives. daikuma loves us, uncle paul loves us, so do jem and janice. just because your favourite cousin wasn't there doesn't mean there's absolutely no reason to stay any longer. how long did daikuma spend, just cooking for us. the least we can do is sit there and enjoy a good meal, not just rush through picking a few nibbles here and there and leaving just like that. like i said, he's already not in the best of moods. and if you want him to send us anywhere, the very least is to let him take his time, spend time with his sister for goodness sake. not that i take it for granted, but we really do visit grandma alot more than we ever get to see daikuma and family. stop rushing him through just a small lunch with his own sister. trust me, if it were you being rushed you'd be pissed too. i mean, yeah. fine. my fault. i woke up later than planned. but even if we'd gotten there earlier the food wouldn't have been ready yet. we want him to send us here, send us there, at least let him have abit of time to breathe, talk to them, let him enjoy. that's really the least we can do. i'm not saying he's right in this dumb quarrel, i'm not saying he has been right all these years. but still, he's our father and at least deserves some god damned respect. i'm not saying i know more than you or that i have any right to be telling you off, but this is just plainly what i feel. sorry for the language.

and you my dear friend. thanks. but if you're so concerned about every little what not, then take it back. i'll starve if i have to but i'll get my own. you can be rude to me, you can correct me, you can tell me you hate it when i show attitude, you can tell me everything that's wrong with me; my spelling, my attitude, my guitar playing, my mannerisms. but don't go being all uptight about a brother who isn't even yours. in the first place, you never said nobody in the world except me could touch your guitar. second, don't you ever ever think that because he bugs me to do everything for him doesn't mean he doens't respect me and what's mine. don't you ever. so yeah, you had life tough and you're going through a not so smooth patch right now, and fine you can take it out on me, but don't you fugging ever be rude about my brother, because yes, i may be rude to you, but i'm not rude about your family. so yes, i didn't warn you about being rude about my family, so i'll forget about this though it will take time. but from now on you've been warned and if you are ever rude about anyone of them ever again, then it's war. you really don't want to see me being the biggest bitch in your life ever. my brother loves me and he looks after things that are mine as well. if you can't accept that then take your shit ass whatever belongings back cos then i don't want them either. yeah, sorry for the language too.

2007-02-17T03:04:00.000-08:00

sometimes i do wonder. you have been playing your guitar for as long as we all can remember, i swear to God sometimes you have so much more practice than the rest. so i pose to you ONE question. just one.

which is, why can't you, up till now, not even play one song properly. why?

to think people like, never mind i don't want to mention the name, would even say things like WOW you have improved SO much, but does she even know? because she's not a musician aor a psalmist herself.

yes, i sound stuck up. i sound like i think i know every damn thing in the world. but so what? for the sake of those lovely sheep i've got to get it out of my system.

how when you play, we can never even just flow. because you can't even play anything? and that is exactly why, as a server in a platform ministry, we freakin' need to at least have some foundation skill, some basics at the very least, to carry you through the simplest of songs.

i mean, what is so difficult about playing just four chords? yeah, you may know alot about music but if you can't flow then there just isn't any use at all, is there?

because how then shall we expect the people to jump into the flow with us to worship when i cannot even flow with you? when you cannot even flow with me? is it that hard to listen to me when i ask you to play just four simple chords?

pray tell me, what is so difficult about playing D A Bm G? i don't get it, really i don't so please explain to me if you would be so kind.

really, don't get all ching-chong emo with me. showing me attitude doesn't move me. it gets me pissed off, is all. sitting there like some emotional wreck, not talking, not even wanting to listen to anything anyone has to say to you.

anyone can see that you are by far not ready to step into the platform ministry.

i do hope, however, that your head is not quite so empty as to think that it's not a platform ministry, playing guitar for caregroup worship, just because you aren't literally stepping onto a platform.

yeah, so you have plenty of revelations, but SO WHAT.

if you can't apply it to your life, to your playing.. could i be so crude as to say, JUST GIVE UP WANTING TO PLAY ALREADY.

could i be so crude, and rude, as to say, forget about it. because with whatever encouragment i have ever given you, i might very well have been lying.

just stop trying.

STOP.

2007-02-14T01:13:00.000-08:00

(: thank You for making my valentine's day.

thank you for letting me sleep on your bed, thank you for being there, thank you for standing up for me, thank you for looking after, for wanting to fight for me, for being concerned. i love you korkor.

"but.. you will come back right?"

"ask them again tmr. cos tmr i'll be home."

if you promise to never leave home again, then yes, i promise i will always come back, no matter how late.

2007-02-12T22:35:00.002-08:00

too many times, it's as if leaders try so hard to be leaders that they forget to simply be your friend. and i think that's really sad.

yes, i know there is a place and time for preaching. but sometimes, all we need and want is just a listening ear. that's all. we just need to get some things out of our system and we'll be fine.

you try so hard. no, you try too hard. the saddest thing? you try and you try and you try but you still fail.

if you want your sheep to respect you, then you've gotta respect us too. favour is given from God, but respect is earned. and i'm so sorry, but you just don't have our respect anymore.

too many times we've tried to let it pass by saying 'just give her a little more time. maybe she's new. maybe she just needs to adjust.' but we're over that bull. sorry to be so frank.

really, how to trust you anymore? everything is going wrong and you don't even realise. if you do, then you're just not doing anything about it and that just makes it worse doesn't it? :)

being a leader is not all about putting up your best front. you can't wear a mask forever. in the end, you will still need people to respect you for who you are, not for the mask that you wear.

so what if you happen to have it all together on the outside? that's just the surface. who cares about how you look when you walk past other leaders? who cares how well you speak when you're sharing the message? who cares how many TYS answers you can give us when we truly are seeking sound advise?

sometimes it seems like you just don't get it. no. read my lips. you do not get it. it's basic respect my dear. you may be our leader, but remember what you told me? that we will always be your friends?

how can there be no mutual respect between friends? even then, it's a fact that you are the youngest among all of us, and you should at least respect that. we know that God is no respector of age, but we're not asking to be leader over you. we just want some respect.

it's so hard to respect you, so hard to trust you anymore. the choices you make when problems are presented to you, the way you even act. seriously, to describe it in just one word? BIMBO. you suit your own cheer.

wednesday's a day which i really fear will come now. to know that you're gonna be there just makes things a whole lot WORSE. i really pray you do get a revelation about the verse in Ecclesiastes where it says there's a time for everything. cos i hope you know that everything includes When To Shut The Hell Up.

i still want to love you. i still want to trust you. i still want to respect you. i still want to give you the benefit of the doubt. i still want to be able to be proud when i tell people that you are my leader. i still want to be able to thank God for you in my life.

i hope to God that you don't ruin yourself this wednesday. it scares me, the thought of it. because, if he goes, you do know that it will take a looooong time for us to get over it right? and i hope you know how i can be when i am pissed off. please be careful.

look at it this way. the only reason why we're still around is because we love the sheep. (: yes, it's the sheep, not you.

sometimes i do wonder. do you even get it that we're just falling apart? hahah, anointed? more like anything anyhow any way.

i don't even know what to say to you anymore. it's like you wouldn't even really care, you only want to preach. that's not what leaders are all about. preaching. have you really forgotten to be our friend?

i just want what's best for my sheep. what about you? what happened to "only the best would do amen"? or did you just say that because it's like a politically correct answer?

don't you even realise that he needs sooooo much more time in practice before he can even be raised up to serve in such a platform ministry? or don't tell me your brain is that empty that just because we don't step onto a platform, you don't think it's a platform ministry?

dammit, he isn't even teachable. do you get that? you don't know every single thing just because you're a leader you know. why else do leaders need wise counsel? you don't have it all together just because you are a leader. can't you be real?

if you cannot be real and open with us, how the hell do you expect us to be real and open with you? like you expect us to tell you everything about ourselves. gosh what happened to sensitivity. what happened to genuine care and concern. you just want to know so you would have the chance to preach again.

YES! that is what i think of you now! i cannot stand it anymore!

i mean, look at it this way. nobody is trying to compete with you. so i'm really sorry that alot of times, i 'sort of' get more 'popular'. i didn't go looking for the 'popularity' please.

what shall we as sheep now do, when the shepherd herself does not know the way.

i am so glad that God is my leader, pastor Prince is my leader. not you. hahah yes i am sorry but i don't even see you as my leader now.

i mean, i will still listen to you, still submit to what you want. but that doesn't mean i have to respect or trust you or tell you everything about my life. trust me, not telling you wouldn't have me lose out on anything.

and, you have bad breath.

2007-02-09T07:21:00.000-08:00

it's not that i was pissed. yes i was initially, but after that, it was like a knife through the heart, the thought that you guys never even bothered to inform me. and you know what, when i sms-ed you, i really wasn't joking. everything was turning a bright white around me, i broke out in cold sweat, i was trembling all over and i was literally weak in the knees, so laugh all you want but it didn't feel really nice to have people think you're joking when you truly need help. i was hurt, okay? still, i rushed home. i rushed through packing and i forgot to bring stuff for productions, i rushed to the dinner place. in fact, i very nearly wanted to cab there, but praise God i didn't. because halfway there, you called only because i sms-ed. and you told me that you had all left the dinner place and were going home. i just want to know one thing.. why? why didn't anyone even bother to tell me? it hurt you know. to be really honest, i felt so stupid. felt so so stupid for rushing all the way, rushing all the way to nothing. i didn't even need to eat dinner, i just wanted to see you guys for the day, because just seeing all of you makes me smile, just seeing all of you reminds me how much Daddy loves me. and i cried. i cried in the bus because i felt so stupid and so hurt, like you all had just forgotten about me just because i couldn't join in for one day.
then i sms-ed you when i was at commonwealth and told you that i'd reached queenstown, cos i know you take awhile to walk out. you said you'd come to the mrt station to get me. i reached, you weren't there. i went down to 7-11 to buy dinner and i came back. you still weren't there. so i walked by myself. i finally saw you.
but by then, i didn't know how to feel. so numb, so empty. i'm sorry. i didn't mean to look so pissed, didn't mean to sound so pissed. but i didn't want to have you handle a crying me, just because of one incident. so i built a wall.

i guess time will heal all wounds, as it will this wound. (: i still love you guys, so so so much.

2007-02-05T08:02:00.000-08:00

grandparents are such love. =) such love.

brought them for Hokkien on sunday, with the help of Rach, Nic and Justin. ((: praise Jesus for friends who are always so willing to offer their help whenever they can. (:

we had breakfast at ahma's house. =) because she was so elated when i told her i'd be bringing her for Hokkien service with my friends, so she made beehoon for us and it was delicious! =)

left the house at about 1045am. ((: took MRT to city hall and waited for shuttle bus.

Hokkien's really good man. though i was soooo sleepy that i fell asleep for awhile, cos i was talking to sisterhood until super late the previous night. =) heeheee. yes we still have alot to talk about even though we stay in the same house.

anyways, after that, we brought grampys to Kopitiam to eat lunch! and they say that the chicken rice there is really nice. =) i'm just glad they liked it.

but ahma refused to let me bring her downstairs to wait for cab because i hadn't finished my lunch, so Rach and Justin brought them down for me. =) thanks!!!

((: was talking to Rach about it and yes, throughout the whole time spent with my grampys we just felt so.... so happy and so peaceful and satisfied. =) i loved it.

i just think it's so amazing how all my friends just love my grampys so easily and feel so comfortable with them. (: my family is truly blessed and covered with divine favour!! =)

((: thank You Jesus, i plead the Blood of Jesus over my grandparents. thank You that no weapon formed against them shall ever prosper, that no harm shall ever go near their dwelling place and no evil shall ever befall them. thank You Daddy that You are their Protection, that You look after their well-being, that You prosper them both in health and in their finances. =) Jesus You look after them. amen.

did publicity for Love Actually before fourth. hahahah although our plans kinda went mad because the queue moved in so early, it was still super blessed. =) i'm so thankful that nothing is based on our own efforts. (:

fourth was good, though i fell asleep. the part that i was still awake was what i needed to hear. (:

after service i saw Sean outside and i was so excited about telling him the testimony of the new song that He wrote. (: and he was pretty amazed as well, from the looks of it. =) hahah i want that anointing! to write such beautiful songs that would touch the hearts of even non-believers. (: thank You Jesus, i recieve.

after that was debrief. =) then we went for dinner at gluttons bay. yes, again. hahahaha for the sake of Fanta. (: hahahahha ryan and jason and hanyuen were seriously high. sugar rush man!

((: heheheh after all that, we went to do some pretty silly things at the Esplanade rooftop. hahah the video is posted on my Multiply (www.andishallsing.multiply.com) and we were laughing so hard.

yes i was jumping and running around in heels! hahah come on it's not that amazing or "wahhh" you know. it's just heels! you can actually do ALOT of things in heels. for example, catching and soccer is possible too.

just that you've to be careful not to step on anyone. or rather, they've to be extra wary of you. HAHAH. =D

anyways at the rooftop, we finally learnt the proper art of clicking our heels. now we're trying to master clicking our heels in the opposite direction. yah our amazing Clickity Clackity Click video. i'm telling you, it's award winning. =D

alrighty then. =) i'm looking forward to more time spent with my dear grampys. =) =) =) awww they're super cute.

Jesus i am Yours forever.

2007-02-03T09:08:00.000-08:00

in quiet desperation, in stubborn indignation, in silent defeat, in anger, in frustration, in disappointment, i cried out to Daddy. i cried out with all my heart.

"is this then, the highest we shall soar, the farthest we shall run?? because Daddy You know better than i ever could that they deserve better."

and He said, "no my Love. this is not the highest you shall soar, because I will cause you to rise up on wings of eagles. this is not the farthest you shall run, because the race has only just begun."

nothing can take Your love away.

2007-01-27T10:45:00.000-08:00

hello everyone please meet my new best friend, Darren. =)

do we look alike? ahahahhahahahahahaha

=) this one warms my heart more. eeeheeheeeee!

new best bun. Darren Chew Ze Jun!

take my breath away

2007-01-24T12:47:00.000-08:00

Daddy..

remember the times we danced, how we swayed to the rhythm of the beat of Your heart, Your heart of love for me?

remember the times You held my hand and told me that everything would be alright?

remember the times You picked me up when i fell, brushed the dirt off my elbows, looked me in the eye and said "I still believe in you"?

remember the times You just let me cry in Your arms while You stroked my hair?

remember the times You held on to me, even when i struggled and tried to escape Your embrace, You still held on to me?

remember the times You just sat beside me to hear me sing, then turned around to tell me my voice is beautiful?

remember the times You just let me ramble on and on and on about things that weren't even that interesting, but You smiled and let me go on anyway?

remember the times You sang me to sleep, and just continued singing even though i'd already fallen asleep?

remember the times You healed my broken heart and washed away my hurt?

remember the songs You gave to me, the songs that touched lives and changed hearts?

remember the times You took my breath away?
i know You can do it again.

noone said it would be easy, but YOU said YOU believe in me. that's all i need to know. You believe in me. yes, You believe in me.

2007-01-22T08:01:00.000-08:00

=) been abandoning the blog for quite some time now. but it's really not on purpose! i blog more in multiply now, but i always use the cross-post option but then somehow they never appear here so oh well.

anyways. nothing much has been up recently. but suddenly the word 'respect' has caught me in a different way.

respecting your leaders, respecting your parents, respecting your peers, respecting other religions, and even respecting people you don't know.

it's like it just suddenly became so important to me. guess it's got something to do with growing. heheh though some people do think i've become stuck up when i tell them it isn't too nice to be doing this this that that.

but really, it's from the heart. i myself have come to a stop when joking about certain issues. cos i realised that it just isn't funny anymore.

i mean, sensitive issue, but yeah, especially when it comes to religion.

who's to say that Christianity is like how big and how wonderful. but i never really saw it that other people from other religions do think that about their own religions too.

as in like, obviously since i'm a christian that to me it's the best religion in the world, but today it hit me that well, that's the way humans are.

that if we as christians want people to respect us, then who are we to not respect other religions? because to others, their own religions are also the best.

and i always used to make fun of other religions, joke about this and that, then it suddenly hit me that, man i'd be so pissed if i heard someone laughing like that about my God. and i don't want them to do that!

so what gives me the right to laugh at their god, to laugh at what they believe in and have believed in all their lives? that'd just make me a reeaaaalllllyyy rude person.

but oh well. =) fooood for thought!

and one thing. worship indulgence. (: 2007's gonna be so so so good. praise Jesus for acceleration, praise Jesus for dreams fulfilled, praise Jesus for promises and praise Jesus that He is faithful.

i WANT Your blessings, i WANT Your high life, i WANT Your favour, i WANT the dew of Heaven and i recieve, i lambano (howtospell) , i take it by force! THANK YOU JESUS, cos this (and more) is what You died to give me. ilu.

2007-01-14T06:04:00.000-08:00

heart's cry.

Lord i'm here
to sit at Your feet
to behold
Your beauty

Jesus, all my fears they fade away
when i see You
when i see You

You're the One thing that i need
Your presence is all i'll ever seek
overwhelm me with Your love
till all i see is You
all i see is You

i really wanna worship You my Lord
You have won my heart
and i am Yours
forever and ever
You will love me

Lord i give You my heart
i give You my soul
i live for You alone
every breath that i take
every moment i'm awake
Lord have Your way in me

then sings my soul
my Saviour God to Thee
How great Thou art
How great Thou art

let Your presence fall on me
let Your Spirit fall i pray
let me be refreshed
let me be restored
only You can really heal my heart oh Lord

oh i want to know You more
deep within my soul i want to know You
oh i want to know You
to feel Your heart and know Your mind
lookin in Your eyes stirs up within me
cries that say i want to know You
oh i want to know You more

and then i hear You say,

I believe in you
yes I believe in you
everything you are
everything you are becoming

I believe that you are made for greater things than this
greather things that what you're doing
you are made for greater things

there is noone else like you
noone else as beautiful as you

(:

so what could i say, what could i do, but offer this heart oh Lord, completely to You.